Do you buy cards/pressies for your MIL/FIL...?

[chisigirl]

... or do you view it as DP/DH's responsibility?

DH and I split household responsibilities fairly equitablym, I think. We didn't sit down and draw up lists but over time I've just taken over certain tasks and he does other ones. Anyways, I've always assumed that he will/should buy birthday presents/mother day cards/Christmas presents for his parents. After all, I think to myself, when my DS's are grown up, I'd like to think that they will send me a birthday card, or phone me on mother's day...

But DH just doesn't get around to it. Not that he doesn't want to but it just doesn't happen. (Which is why I'm in charge of bill-paying!) result? his Mum usually doesn't get a birthday card or mother's day card (although he always phones). I'm sure she would like to receive one but I just can't bring myself to see this as my job.

Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable...! in fact, maybe I should have posted this in AIBU...

thanks

Dp is in charge of his mum's birthday and christmas cards as he likes to get wordy ones. I suggest presents but he always finds something suitable himself. He also got his dad's stuff when he was alive

Over the years I've taken over the responsibilty for his sisters, bils, nieces and nephews but it's no biggy. I'm more on their wavelength than he is although I always tell him what I've got incase he has a better idea!

I deal with my family, he deals with his. No real reason, I don't think either of us would object if asked to sort out presents and cards for 'the other side' and we do help each other out with suggestions etc., it's just easier to sort out our own.

Both sets of family are well difficult to buy for.

I deal with mine and his family because if I dident they wouldnt get one.

DH deals with his parents I deal with mine

I deal with my family and leave it up to dh to deal with his. This means that they don't get birthday/mother's/father's day card but not my responsibility, so no I YANBU

I do my family, he does his. Quite often they don't get anything, but this has got much better over the last 14 years.
I have enough to do and don't want the responsibility of forgetting mil/sil etc's bday.

thanks for the different perspectives! I don't feel quite so guilty now...

I reckon that DH does his family cards and presents while I will do mine.

However, if he asks (or occasionally I will prompt) then I will get something - if it's mother's day for example, it is easy to pick up an extra card while getting one for my own mother.

But - he needs to ask and needs to have some ideas - (even if they too need a little prompting ) - I don't want to have to hit the shops and randomly shop for a present with no idea of what MIL etc would like or how much he wants to spend or at the last minute etc.

So, whilst I definitely don't see it as my job, I am willing to help out and it also means that I can ask for help when I might need DH to get something for me. A happy sort of compromise .

I do my family, dh does his (or rather, dh doesn't do his).

When we first got married and I was playing "perfect little wifey" I did the xmas and all other present shopping and card sending and the only person my dh had to buy for was me.

And one year into our marriage, he couldn't even manage that .

I soon stopped mollycoddling him

If I didn't do it no other bugger would, so yes, I do it. I now have it down to a fine art...they have everything, so they get a joint Christmas/birthday pressie which is a delivery by post every month of chelsea buns from a gorgeous bakers in Cambridge. Takes a phone call and the credit card; costs the same as the individual pressies would and everyone is happy.

I do my family, DH does his. Not to say that I ignore the matter entirely - I do keep a stealth stash of generic birthday cards, and we sit down and work out a plan for Christmas - but its very clear that it is his responsibility.

And I have made sure that everyone knows this !

For those that say that they are my family too - when he remembers the birthday of my mum/dad/great aunt and thinks of a present for them, I'll worry about his family.

I generally remind dh that birthdays etc are coming up, and we discuss what to buy.

Often we'll share the present with his sister or brother, so it's a case of deciding with them who will actually buy the thing.

But in the end I do see it as his responsibility, and in no way is it my fault if the present is late (happens very often - bloody Spanish attitude to time )

I do my family of course.

I really like my MIL, so I make sure she is taken care of.. Sometimes this means prodding DH, sometimes its arranging the card / present / flowers myself. I don't mind, she does a lot for all of us and deserves it.

I won't do the rest of his family though, thats his job.

I do it all, including everything for our Dc, strange because he is very good at choosing cars and pressies for me.
I think it is the control freak in me

I sort out cards & presents for both families & all friends, although I tend to tell DP what I have in mind (or give him a selection of ideas to choose from) before shopping... the only person DP has to remember & organise himself to buy cards & gifts for is me.

Probably far more effort than I should make, but as DP's family are all fully aware that it's me that does this stuff & are appreciative (they know what DP is like!), I find it makes for very cordial relations with the in-laws... ;-)

Needless to say, DP gets VERY short shrift if he ever whinges about having to find a gift for me!

DH is in charge of birthdays, and I am in charge of Christmas, but only for MIL. I wouldn't know where to start with FIL.

Scaryteacher.... which bakers in Cambridge??

I do my family and he is supposed to do his, but the lazy so and so can never be bothered. He has even got a mother's day card in the card box, that's about 4 years old, that he never got around to sending. I have all sorts of cards (not specifically family ones, but funny, cute etc birthday cards) that he could send, but he never does! I even keep stamps!