Boyfriend is depressed and distant pushing me away

[Annon224485]

I don’t know what to do I feel like I am falling apart and have been through a horrendous long drawn out torturous break up but we are still together. My heart is broken. I have been with my boyfriend for a year we love each other and we’re super loved up but last few months he slowly got more and more withdrawn and less interested in meeting up or making conversation he says it’s because he can’t face seeing any one as he’s unhappy with his life (job) and he needs to make changes and that is only way he can be happier. He says it’s not me he loves me etc but he can’t show me love right now even though he knows I deserve more etc he said he needs to focus on himself and being happy again and sorting a different job and his life before he can make anyone else happy. I love him so much and it’s killing me that we have bare minimum contact like our relationships hanging on by a peace of thread. When things were good we were so so happy I just want to go back to that. I also think he’s autistic and he would agree so to. I don’t want to leave him and I’m trying to support him through what he thinks may be a mid life crisis type thing but I’m hurting and I know he can’t think about my needs or feelings but I’m trying so hard not to sink into depression myself

No, no and no...
His bullshit is his to deal with. He showed you exactly who he is! Every time he finds himself in a stressful situation, he will be pushing you away. Forever and ever. Or, as my ex has done - tell you that he needs to sort his life out before focusing on his relationship and then immediately go and get a new girlfriend behind your back.
Just no. It's not worth it. You are not a rehabilitation centre for broken men. He doesn't love you, he doesn't want to be with you. People who love you lean in, not avoid.
He wants to withdraw? Great. Let him and get on with your own life.

Hhhmmm, maybe he hasn’t got the courage to split up so he’s using excuses to make a gutless let down?

You may love him all you like but if the spark’s gone for him he’s trying to tell you in a roundabout way? I hope I’m wrong because a break up is soul destroying.

As my old mum says, “ It’s not what he’s saying, it’s what he’s not saying!”

Read between the lines OP.

He has split up with you in a cowardly way. He doesn’t want your support he wants to be left alone.

In times of hardship, couples need to team up, not push each other away. You need someone who will lean in when its tough (even when its hard to do so) being vulnerable and asking a loved one for help is a choice, but so is pushing someone away.

Walk away, OP. There’s nothing to save here — he’s not your project.

You are over thinking it. He doesn't want a relationship with you any more but like most men doesn't have the decency or guts to tell you it's over. Sorry.

Solid advice here. Been dwelling on what's been put forward, for my circumstances only two months in exclusive relationship. started the day in the usual early-stages delight being together and by the end of the day she had to go and stay with a friend to help but we'd message. Since then a three messages from her. I was told she needed space and didn't want to speak by phone. Didn't want to believe it had ended esp given kindness she has. No idea why. But that's where I am. And the solid advice @Catza included says it. So it's just the way ppl are. Women and men, I have to say. Slowly feeling better. I even think that she knows where to find me but accept that's not really going to happen.

So thanks all