I met a man at the start of 2025. He's a mutual friend from a group that regularly go to a pub quiz, bowling, do lots of social stuff together and he turned up one night and there was massive chemistry and attraction and he made me laugh to much I almost peed myself.
So I asked him out one night, he said yes, we started seeing each other twice a week and then more. I couldn't get enough of his company and it seemed he wanted to see me all the time. He's attentive, caring, helpful and funny and I fancy his pants off.
Here comes the big but... sex. It's just not happening. The first time he invited me to his house I put it down to nerves, age, possible health issues, possible prostate issues. He just kept telling me he'd been having problems since he turned 45 and he's now 59 and has never had a proper erection and takes ages to orgasm when he masturbates. He also had a load of health checks and the GP said it was probably just age related as everything was clear and to try Viagra. It didn't work. He does try to please me in other ways and most of the time that's lovely for me, but I miss the connection and intimacy that comes from penetrative sex, that feeling of merging into one and having an orgasm together.
I'm about to turn 45. I don't feel it, people tell me I look like I'm 30. I'm told I'm attractive. I look after myself. But I don't seem to do it for him. I can run around in brand new sexy underwear, high heels... naked..... invited him into the shower.... suggest parking the car down a dark country lane..... no response.
I feel so frustrated and ended it a few times because he actually said a while back that he would see a sex therapist, however, he has done nothing about it. I just had a feeling that there was something going on that he wasn't being entirely honest about.
A few weeks back he gave me his old phone as my screen stopped working. I kept getting odd notifications on it from hair fetish websites, YouTube and Facebook/ All to do with women with super long hair getting "forced haircuts", shaved heads, bald women and the men who love them. He was still signed in to his Facebook and other apps. So I got my answer. It turns out he is constantly, and when I say constantly I mean 6 am before work and 5 pm when he gets home, searching for and consuming hair fetish material.
None of it is offensive as such, but it's the reason he can't have sex with me. We have sat and talked about it, I even bought a wig, it seemed to turn him on a little but not a great deal, I did my hair in the bun style he seems to like so much but no erection or obvious desire for me.
So we had a chat again recently, he said is really ashamed of his obsession and says he needs help. I have never shamed him for it, but told him I was angry and felt rejected because he is leaking sexual energy and desire for others and not towards me. That we will never orgasm together or discover each other in that special way.
I asked him if he would seek help and he said he didn't know what to do about it. That even he did not understand it fully. I told him that I loved him for the first time shortly after Christmas and all he said was "no woman has ever said that to me in the way you have said it". He did not tell me how he felt about me, however, when I said that we probably work best as really good friends, he became very upset and said he didn't want to lose me, that he wants more.
The minute I left his house he has looked at over 100 YouTube shorts of bald women, head shaving and hair related stuff. Christmas Eve and Christmas day he spent with his adult children, but the minute he was alone, the same thing.... searches for bald women, over 200 clips.
I'm all over the place, so confused. I'm sure you can all tell how much I care about this person by the length of my post.