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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm so confused

5 replies

Gracec17 · 29/12/2025 13:55

Hello everyone,
My post is about my relationship, my marriage, I need to ask a question and I really want to people to put themselves in my shoes and see this from my perspective in it's entirety because I'm exhausted and need someones insight.
I am not a pretty woman, I love to be outside working,building, minding the animals I have little to no time for this makeup and hair crap. I never really fit in in social circles because my values and interests didn't align. I think provocative media is gross. When I met my partner we were in college, please don't let this change your opinion because I got enough of that, but he was a seeking asylum at the time he did not need me to get citizenship.
We moved in together we had a great sex life and life in general, we got married, when we started trying for a child I first had an ectopic I knew something was wrong but he didn't want to hear it so the pregnancy continued tell it ruptured, when I was in hospital he was home watching porn, I didn't look through his phone purposefully I was just using I dont remember exactly how it came to be seen but anyways that's what it was. I forgave him we got over it I was so overcome with emotion about my pregnancy I needed him.
Time went on we went to a wedding and he spent the whole evening chatting up two young women, it was so humiliating.. but I forgave him. Life went on, I had a lot of miscarriages, when we got pregnant with our daughter we were over joyed as u are, when she was born I realised something was wrong and a while later she was diagnosed with autism, asthma it nearly took her as did an allergy to penicillin as did epilepsy.. it's been hard. My husband is pretty emotionless he's not a person who has ever expressed his desire for me, talked about how lucky he is.. While I've been living for her, maintained work, maintained the house, maintained the sex in our relationship he let me.. he worked too, started texting women from work made out like it was nothing which is fine it probably wasn't I don't know, I just asked home not to do it cause I felt uneasy I forgave and forgave, the last one he hid their messages like deleted them but one day he sent me one for her, he was seeing where in work she was but told me it was a platonic friend relationship, it spun me that he'd do it again and I was furious even if it's Platonic respect me, think of me. I feel like I'm so stupid, last night he was on X and it is filled with Picts of semi naked young ones.. to each their own, they'll be us someday. I saw it and I completely fell apart I know I'm a monster I'm fat ugly bitch, I'm not good enough for any one. Every name my sister's called every joke made about me came flooding back and I felt drenched in deceit I have never felt so bad. I worry about our child so much I never thought to think of my hair, my figure, my fuckin ass.. but now, now I'm an old ugly asshole. He told me it's only something he looks at and acts as though I'm so over reacting. I be done, if I wasn't so afraid to be alone honestly I live happily alone forever. I can't anymore.. I should mention he isn't sexually attracted to me annoy more, his limpness screams at me like a fuckin siren! Do we even bother from here, should I just let him go find the young ones he wants.. I can't stand to break up but I know it's leading, if it hasn't already, to sex.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 29/12/2025 13:59

Stop putting all of your self worth into your looks.

If you’re a kind person you can find love with someone who is also kind.

This man has continuously disrespected you, lied to you, broken your trust and let you down in moments where you truly needed his support.

You deserve more in life.

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 29/12/2025 14:02

He’s used you. You deserve better.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/12/2025 14:15

HE is not good enough for you; not the other way around. As if those women are going to be at all interested in him; he is a fool.

Stop forgiving him as of now and reclaim your life without him in it. He's used you throughout your marriage to its detriment and as a result your marriage is to all intents and purposes over. Do not continue to show your child such a poor example of a marriage.

You need to ask yourself why you chose to forgive such poor behaviour from him over and over. Therapy may be of use to you re that.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/12/2025 14:16

What is so bad about being alone at all when you are married to such a man child?. What are you so afraid of?. I urge you to feel the fear and do it anyway.

You are alone now within your marriage; a state akin to a slow death by 1000 cuts.

manicpixieschemegirl · 29/12/2025 14:24

Better to be single than have your self-esteem further eroded by being married to this disgusting excuse for a man.

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