Is anyone VLC with relatives?

[Boxiboxi21]

Asking for advice on how to go about it, what does it look like. I'm struggling with a sense of shame for not being the 'involved' daughter but as I've been faced with so much denial of abuse and invalidation, I feel like very low contact may be the way to go with the whole of one side of my family (most of my relatives unfortunately).

There's also another relative who appears to be doing the same. Would I be unreasonable to reach out to that relative and ask them about it? It would be nice to know at least someone can see through the craziness.

You wouldn’t be unreasonable to contact the other relative, but perhaps be prepared that they may not want to discuss it. We went VLC with MIL and SIL, but maintain contact with BIL. We literally just stopped going over and stopped texting. SIL has never asked about it but MIL did, and DH explained his reasons. She kicked off but it was all via text so not too problematic, as DH just blocked her. He’s since unblocked her as we do feel some moral obligation towards our niece (MIL, SIL and niece all live in the same house), so we still send gifts etc to her and have taken her out with us but we do it all with very minimal contact with MIL and SIL.

You don’t need to feel shame for doing what’s best for you. Honestly, our lives are so much quieter and easier without all of the drama. If you feel like you need to, send a text explaining why you’re going NC, if not just block.

It just looks like no texting, no visiting, no calls.
withdrawing completely.
Worked for me.
They haven’t even noticed 7 months down the line.

We are NC with some and LC with others.

You just stop agreeing to do things with them, never initiate contact, ignore calls and texts if you don’t want to reply. If they show up at your door, don’t answer. Remove them from social media or limit what they can see. It sounds very cold, but if they behaved like family you wouldn’t want to distance yourself from them in the first place. It takes putting up with a lot of pain to get to the point of wanting to reduce/lose contact. People who have never been through it and have normal families never understand.

I would be cautious about reaching out to the other person who is LC (especially if they are possibly LC with you too), because they might question where you were when they pulled away. They might see your reaching out as wanting to drag them into family drama, which they’ve obviously worked hard to escape.

Thsnk you all and @Fbfbfvfvv I didn't have any contact with the relative who has distanced herself except as a young child. Were now friends on Facebook but haven't talked in decades.