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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being sensitive or is this out of order

16 replies

ffsthatsenough · 29/12/2025 12:19

I work for the NHS so time off over Christmas is few and far between. For the first time in sixteen years (apart from Maternity leave) I worked Xmas Eve then had six days off, working NYE and Jan second. My husband on the other hand, had Xmas day with us, took the kids to his mums on Boxing Day…. ALL DAY, went out to play pool ALL DAY Saturday, took the kids back to the in-laws Sunday, most of the day, and is working all day today. So out of that six days I’ve had off for the first time in sixteen years he’s left me at home alone for 80% of it! I don’t know why I bother sometimes. All I’ve done is clean, do the washing, put the dry washing away and take the trimmings down. So sorted the house on my own! Kind of feel like I’m not in a marriage. He has ADHD and finds saying no to work hard but really, over Christmas?! And one of those days was out doing what he wants to do. I just feel like I’ve had a shit Christmas coz I’ve spent it alone more or less. Sorry, just ranting.

OP posts:
Littlebitpsycho · 29/12/2025 12:33

Did you ask him to stay at home?

Motnight · 29/12/2025 12:34

What were the plans?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 29/12/2025 12:36

Why weren’t you invited to the in laws? Did he refuse to stay home when you asked?

Sillysoggyspaniel · 29/12/2025 12:37

Why didn't you go to?

JemimaTiggywinkles · 29/12/2025 12:41

So he’s done two full days of entertaining the kids, one day all of you at home, one day to himself and the final day working? That doesn’t seem terrible tbh. The only real issue is why you didn’t go to your in-laws with the rest of your family?

ChristmasHug · 29/12/2025 12:44

JemimaTiggywinkles · 29/12/2025 12:41

So he’s done two full days of entertaining the kids, one day all of you at home, one day to himself and the final day working? That doesn’t seem terrible tbh. The only real issue is why you didn’t go to your in-laws with the rest of your family?

This is how I read your post too. It sounds like he was giving you a couple of days off then taking one for himself, and you chose to clean the house.

The issue here seems to be communication. I'd exoect him to be flummoxed if you complain, why on earth didn't you say how you wanted to spend this time?

Dollymylove · 29/12/2025 12:54

Sounds like a good deal to me. A bit of peace and quiet while hubby is out entertaining the kids 🤣🤣

Original poster
ffsthatsenough · 29/12/2025 22:36

Right so I’m the idiot for taking days off work and expecting to spend time as a family. I don’t like his family, he doesnt like mine, so I haven’t seen mine, he’s been to see his. I don’t drive no so-not an option To go to mine while he goes to see his. As long as I know I’m the idiot for expecting to spend time as a family anytime soon! Really don’t know why I’m married after reading these! I’d be better spending Xmas outside of a marriage on my own! Nothing expected of me then!

OP posts:
NoSoupForU · 29/12/2025 22:40

I think in a perfect world your partner would just actively want to spend that time with you.

But christmas can be quite demanding on your time, trying to fit in seeing all the various friends and family.

If you didn't actually communicate your wishes to him, it's probably a bit harsh to just expect him to know.

poppy2024 · 29/12/2025 22:41

o

Catza · 29/12/2025 22:43

ffsthatsenough · 29/12/2025 22:36

Right so I’m the idiot for taking days off work and expecting to spend time as a family. I don’t like his family, he doesnt like mine, so I haven’t seen mine, he’s been to see his. I don’t drive no so-not an option To go to mine while he goes to see his. As long as I know I’m the idiot for expecting to spend time as a family anytime soon! Really don’t know why I’m married after reading these! I’d be better spending Xmas outside of a marriage on my own! Nothing expected of me then!

But did you tell him that this was what you were expecting or did you think he should read your mind? No need to get in a huff if it's a simple miscommunication issue.

GrannyTeapot · 29/12/2025 23:12

Well it’s down to you to communicate with your family and organise meeting up surely? Also to do this before times with your DH at times when you are both off? I don’t really see what he’s done wrong? Is it that the children weren’t with you?

If I got time to myself I would whip round doing essential housework and then enjoy my time - maybe some exercise, maybe read my book, watch some TV, telephone my best friend for a long natter, have a long hot bath maybe with a glass of wine if I drank. It would be so relaxing to be able to stop and breathe in peace. He gave you that gift.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/12/2025 23:14

Sorry, not seeing the issue. Sounds like a good dad.

RecordBreakers · 29/12/2025 23:28

I'm with everyone else.

It seems that you made some assumptions, he made some assumptions, and neither of you communicated with each other.

I don't know why you can't spend any time with his family, and why he can't spend any time with his, but clearly, this complicates matters.
I don't know why you don't drive, but that is a limitation you have yourself.

I don't know how old the dc are, but most of us would be delighted if our dh's took our dc off out somewhere for the day and gave us a peaceful day to do what we wanted at this time of year.

Not sure that this translates to you being 'an idiot'.
Just sounds to me like the two of you need to chat more about plans, in advance.

MCF86 · 29/12/2025 23:53

Depends. Did you talk about spending the week together and he reneged on plans, or does he think by taking the kids he was giving you a well deserved break?
He could be really shit, but he could also have had good intentions.

AutumnLover1989 · 30/12/2025 08:07

ffsthatsenough · 29/12/2025 22:36

Right so I’m the idiot for taking days off work and expecting to spend time as a family. I don’t like his family, he doesnt like mine, so I haven’t seen mine, he’s been to see his. I don’t drive no so-not an option To go to mine while he goes to see his. As long as I know I’m the idiot for expecting to spend time as a family anytime soon! Really don’t know why I’m married after reading these! I’d be better spending Xmas outside of a marriage on my own! Nothing expected of me then!

Have you told him this?

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