Im utterly perplexed by my marriage, I thought it was pretty much perfect because we got along so well. We had the same interests, same big vision for life, see spiritual values, we enhance each others careers as they were adjacent, we both loved, art and travel and music. We had been married 16 years when I had a psychotic break down from anxiety which seems very out of the blue as I had not had a history of mental illness despite suffering extensive and prolonged childhood trauma.
in treatment in the aftermath of the psychosis, my doctors raised that they thought that there were aspects of my marriage which were very challenging and stressful at best and abusive at worst. I worked os so hard in my life to become very successful in my dream academic career that was extremely important to me because it relate to issues f social justice that I had suffered impacts of as a child.
I lost everything and have not worked for nine years. I was a happy and joyful person before. I lost all the friends id invest 25 years of friendships in, I have physical disabilities now, lost the career id worked so hard at and had won many awards for and was getting acclaim for, have no financial independence, and multiple mental health diagnoses. the internal state of my mind is literally hell 24/7. I dont even have my Christian faith anymore. I thought my husband loved me absolutely dearly so honestly I can not recover from the shock of this. the psychosis was entirely stress related so I dont have an illness like schizophrenia or bipod or anything like that. I realise now that I loved my husband so so much that his wants and needs were out first to a degree in which I didnt even spend money on really essential things fro myself like a computer and books, let alone treats.
I could describe some fo what went on but I am interested to now if anyone has suffered anythign like this. I blame myself becasue in so many ways he is a very kind perosn and im sure he loved me and didnt mean to hurt me but I let life be entirely to his comfort even though it meant I suffered. I suffered to the extent I lost my mind and no amount of money can ever bring that back.