Broke up with my partner tonight

[Unreasonablyextravagant]

I really really need a handhold. I ended my relationship tonight and I am so brokenhearted, truly devastated. I’ve been through break ups, including a divorce, and I’ve never ever felt pain like this.

Things had turned toxic. I found out a few months ago that my partner cheated 2 years ago. I don’t believe I had the whole truth, and his effort has gone down over time. We were supposed to be at counselling- we did three sessions. He seemed to think I could just let the past be in the past and move forward.

He didn’t understand that he left me completely unable to trust my own instincts, my own gut. He allowed me to fully open up knowing how hurt I’d been before.

I’ve completely lost my sense of self, my self esteem is in the pits and I truly don’t know how to pick myself up.

It's time for you now. Work on you and building you up instead of focusing on the past, what was and how he treated you. Become strong confident you again and know you'll never be treated like that again by anyone x

I'm sorry to hear this OP. These sort of relationships are horrible. I'm glad you were able to get out of it. Do you feel relieved that you've left him? Try and get some sleep.

Thank you. Honestly no, I don’t feel relieved. I feel completely and utterly devastated, broken. I love him so much. I truly thought he was my one. It took me such a long time to open up, to trust, and then this revelation hit me up the face. We’ve tried to get past it but I can’t seem to. I’ve never known pain like this and all I want is for him to wrap his arms around me.

it the not so distant future you will be thankful it ended. I’ve been there, thought I’d never be with anyone else in the time I was single it was the best time of my life. Make a bucket list of all the things you want to do and dont wait for anyone to do it with go do it by yourself, do yourself a boredom list like sort underwear drawer, clean a cupboard, car clean, unfinished books read them, sterilise cutlery, etc, anything to keep busy but feel a sense of accomplishment. Best of luck. You’ll be totally fine i promise

It really sucks but you have done the right thing.

It would be even worse if you let it drag on.

Look after yourself and stay strong.

We’ve tried to get past it.

No, you tried to get past it, he paid lip service until he got bored of doing so. This man was never who you wanted him to be and who he said he was.

Grieve him but there was never ever a happy ever after with this one.

I found the break up with a new partner after my long term marriage so difficult as well. In fact I can say I shed more tears ending a 1.5 year relationship than a 20 year marriage.

I think it's maybe that we thought we could let our guard down a bit, trust again and similar, but only to find that in actual fact we could not. Not with this person anyway.

You have done the right thing now OP and so have to get your head down now and move forward.

Some things that might help. Change up your routine somewhat. So you aren't doing the same thing that would include your ex.
Do something physical. I am a firm believer of the saying, if you need to rest your body, work your mind. If you need to rest your mind, work your body.
Spoil yourself. Take time to walk around a shop, go for a haircut, have the slice of cake and people watch in a café, just small things that you wouldn't normally do.

And most importantly, delete his number. So you don't message in a weak moment. Also steer clear of excess alcohol. Too many text sent during a breakup whilst under the influence.

You have got this. Keep posting here. Many of us have been where you are, and are out the other side. It's okay to ask for some support. 🌷

These sort of men are not loving and kind. They don't respect you. But what they do is coerce you and drag you in - with uncertainty and 'push/ pull'.
You feel so bereft because you are grieving and it feels like it's your fault.
If you need any advice at all, stick to your guns and look forward not back. Even though forward is much more difficult in the short term it will lead the path to a more contented life.

Nothing, and I mean nothing feels positive about this right now. The pain in my chest feels like it’s ripping me apart

Like a pp said the break up AFTER your marriage is often the one that seems worse but in reality it is an accumulation of both. I know it's hard but look - you had the capacity to love again after your divorce. Yes you've been hurt by it but you are at least capable of feeling love and sadly the pain. Many of us have been there and you will recover.