So many sad messages, disappointments and hurt on Mumsnet at the moment, from posters faced with the sheer dull weight of Not Bothering and Not Caring from husbands.
I'm convinced too many men see women as not quite human. A kind of domestic appliance there to centre and serve them, without the same kind of feelings as real people have. You only have to read the posts to see that.
So here's what I'd like to say to every single husband who's triggered a sad post here this week:
She wants a present. Not bothering / forgetting / ordering it too late is not an option. If you're sat opening and admiring something you wanted while she's left with nothing, be ashamed. And make sure there's something from the kids too.
She wants it wrapped, twinkly paper, bows, soppy cards. The Amazon box will not do.
She wants it given at the right time, not sometime during the day, or 'pretending you've forgotten' as an amusing little controlling prank. And 'you can't take a joke, you're no fun' is a very bad move.
'I didn't know what to get you, you're impossible to buy for' - no. You married her, we presume you've met? You know ... something ... about her? You presumably like spending time with her?
Watch, look, listen, observe. What does she enjoy, talk about, admire, gaze at, exclaim over, circle in a magazine, text you the link? Do you actually notice her?
Ask her what she'd like. And actually listen. And do that. Not something random that pops into your head with zero actual connection to what she is even though she's been admiring, saying, circling and sending for months now.
Do not:
Get anything that suggests she needs fixing. So no anti wrinkle cream, deodorant, diet books, exercise stuff.
Unless she has specified that this is what she wants. This one. Not a random substitute.
Get anything that references her role as domestic appliance. So no air fryer, saucepans, hoover, kettle etc. Unless she has specified that this is what she wants. This one. Not a random substitute.
Get anything that criticises how little sex you're getting. So no scratchy tarty uncomfortable underwear.
The right underwear in the exact size (this is not a drill - get it right) in silk, or whatever she has specified, is however a good move. Same goes for clothes and shoes, it's complicated.
Perfume and posh skincare - this is crucial to get right. If she buys and wears something specific you're pretty certain to be on safe ground. If she is a Chanel No 5 / Liz Earle / Jo Malone etc girl, go right ahead.
If she has allergies (food, drink, toiletries, fabric, metal etc) you should know this like she knows yours and the kids' and probably your parents' too. Be mindful.
Jewellery - what does she love? If she's a gold girl, silver is wrong. Also - see allergies.
Things that are really for you / the house - a new TV, computer game, parachuting classes ... Remember she is a whole other person.
Let 2026 be better than 2025 was for so many here.
Would you add anything?