Step parenting/ rules/ had enough

[Abc45778899]

Had a massive row with my husband tonight

We have been together7 years. He has 2 children 14 & 12. I have 2 children 26 & 14. Only 14 yo lives with us.

For context he has has only on and off contact for years due to his ex and despite him fighting for it but its been more consistent for last 6-12months. I get on with his kids well so its not about them.

Over the 7 years together he has had a lot of rules for my daughter. Hes much stricter than me, but as we share a house ive asked her to respect them and she has. He constantly pulls me up on things, I thought fair enough I am fairly laid back. Things like taking food upstairs, not using knives and falks propely at the dinner table, taking shoes off at the door etc. So I get it. Although there are lots more rules.

Problem tonight. All these things he expects of my daughter and have caused a fair few battles he doesn't enforce on his sons. I let it slip at first but they are comfy here now. Tonight he gave his oldest son cheese and crackers and can of coke to take up to bed. Something I would have allowed my daughter for the last 5+ years but he wouldnt of never let her. Problem is its easy to tell someone else how to parent but not so easy when your doing it. Called him out on that a load of other things such as table manners etc again not because im bothered but because its double standards. There are also standards i have that ive asked for so many times that are completely disregarded

Apparently im an arsehole, hes done and wants out. An hour before we were so in love kissing laughing etc. But all of a sudden I want out too. Im no longer bothered I think hes an arsehole

Good decision. You should never have let him dictate how you parent your daughter ceded he barely even saw his own kids. Wtf does he know when he hasn’t brought his kids up for god knows how long.

He’ll probably change his mind about splitting up in the morning but hopefully you’ve seen the light, you tell your daughter you were wrong to put his wishes above her and you carry on getting rid of him.

You should never have let him lay down so many rules for your daughter. It's not his job to parent her and you should have made that clear from the start. I'd tell him fine, he can leave and good riddance!

So he can dish out the rules to your daughter but not when it comes to his kids.

That is big time favouritism and unequal treatment and you let him treat your daughter so strictly for 5 years. But his sons, oh no.

He's a misogynist and he's been parenting your daughter as such. That's not good for her at all. Your daughter has been treated like a second class citizen in her own home.

I think he needs to leave and no reconciliation unless he takes steps to make big attitude changes.

He's likely going to change his mind in the morning but he's shown his views too often to let this pass and this is toxic for your daughter to be raised by a misogynist stepfather who makes double standard rules.

Let him leave. He’s a prick.

@Abc45778899

So OP what happened today? Did he apologise?

Get rid of him. He is bully. Do not take him back.

Prioritise your daughter and try to repair the damage that having this man impose arbitrary rules on her will have done, especially now she’ll have witnessed him not doing the same with his golden boys.

Keep all future relationships separate to your daughter and her home and let her live the rest of her childhood in peace without the toxic influence of unrelated men living in her home.