Two days before Christmas, I found out my partner of 20 years had a secret partner and 6 yr old child abroad. I only found out when his brother in law posted pictures of them all online.
Partner's mum moved abroad in 2016 so he went out there every year on her birthday. Last year he travelled in November and said that due to flight availability, he had to return in early Jan. So he missed Christmas with me and the kids.
His mum passed away this September and he arranged the funeral for early December! When I asked why so late, he said it gives wider family from around the world a chance to attend. He later added it would be too expensive for our four children to attend with flights/visa's etc. He then changed this to there being a high kidnapping risk in the region.
He's diverted any requests for funeral pics but then I saw his brother in law posted pics online with my partner standing next to a woman and also cuddling a child which looked exactly like him. I questioned partner, he lied and lied until I said that I cannot sleep for not knowing. He came clean. I told him to go to hell and haven't spoken since.
We had some issues in our relationship like most would after 20 years. He has also been very low over the last 18 months which I had put down to money worries. He always dismissed things when I asked him why. He was never helpful around the house, ignored the kids for his phone most of the time and was very cold and snappy in general. He would go out on Saturday night to play Pool/have a drink but always went alone, never with friends. He said he was fed up with other people. He then stayed out til the early hours and said he slept the night at our rental house (2 miles away!) because he drank too much. I never believed that in the slightest.
He's due back next week but I messaged him to say I do not want him back in our family home. I haven't told the kids as I didn't want to ruin their Christmas but they have to know before he returns. They are: 10, 13, 16, 18.
Shall I wait until just before he's due back (the 4th) or tell them now so they can come to terms with the news before they see him and go back to school? I am dreading this.
I will have to put our house up for sale in Jan. Any messages i've sent him have been ignored apart from one cold chatgpt apology!
Should I change the locks? It's causing anxiety knowing he can just walk through the door at any time he wants.
The other thing is, should I tell the kids about the child? They may find out as his whole wider family seems to know according to the family photos of the funeral.
I feel so betrayed and can't believe he kept this lie for all these years.
Does anyone have any advice or experiences like that please? I have a constant knot in my chest and just want this whole thing over with.
Thank you for reading - so sorry for the length of the post! xx