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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Nesting post separation

2 replies

amatista · 28/12/2025 10:39

I have only just come across the term ‘nesting’ and what it actually is tbh. After some thoughts please.

I have 3 children (boys 10, 13, 15). Their dad and I (not married) are separating but are currently in the family house in separate bedrooms. we both agree this is not workable long term. Neither can buy the other out.

We’d both want 50:50 arrangement for kids.

Looking at our options. We’d get half each selling the house. Not enough for either to buy anything outright. He has a good salary and could get a mortgage for something reasonable. I have low-paying pt job & starting out in my own business too, though only 1 year of (modest) self employed income to date. Looking at properties, realistically I could afford a 2 bed flat. I’m sure plenty of people have to do similar, but not ideal for 4 people (and two dogs, if also 50:50).

Occurred to me to maintain stability for the kids by them staying in the family home, with us alternating. Unfortunately neither have family to stay with, so we’d be renting for the time one of us is not in the house. Can this work? Either renting a room or renting a flat which we also share. I don’t like the idea of sharing the bedroom so ideally 2 bed but if needs must…. I can’t imagine it’s a long term solution, and I’d prefer a clean break, but can’t really afford one that works well.

OP posts:
JustWantsSomeSleep · 28/12/2025 12:12

What is nesting?

Sharing the current home isn't going to work. You might as well keep living as you are now, in separate rooms.

It's never going to be easy to start with - and no one wants to downsize - but it'll be easier in the long term for your children to understand what has happened if you're living in separate homes. The home you start out with doesn't need to be forever.

sausagedog2000 · 28/12/2025 15:50

’Nesting’ comes up a lot on MN and is encouraged which I just can’t get my head around. You are 100% valid in saying that you want a clean break.

What happens when one of you gets a new partner? What happens if you fall out? There will be no dating for either of you, realistically. I don’t know anyone who would be prepared to cater to someone’s ex like that.

Sell the house, split and both of you rent.

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