Unsocial-able husband

[Creek2025]

My husband decided to stop drinking a year ago he didn’t have a problem just grew out of Sunday morning hangover.

since then I’ve found it quite hard we aren’t big drinkers as in every night we would always socialise on a Saturday dinner or see friends never drank in the week and if we didn’t have anything on we wouldn’t drink.

since he has stopped he has become more and more unsocialable.

everytime we go anywhere he has to agree a time to leave and he always brings it forward when we get to the event as far as leaving me on my own there as he has changed the time and has a go at me in front of people.

This year I have started just seeing friends on my own I don’t even make excuses up now.

At an event a few days ago he kicked off at me on the way home calling me all sorts as we didn’t leave Excately when he had said.

I mentioned we have been invited to our friends house on NYE and he said he is staying in he knows I love NYE.

I really don’t want to stay home as I will just be sat on my own whilst he scrolls on his phone.

Im getting really fed up of the non togetherness just feel like I lead my own life when we never used to be like this we used to have a great life together.

would you still go and see friends on NYE? Last year was the same it was terrible,

My DH has become a bit like this and it's hard however we discuss how controlling I find the behaviour and how important socialising is to prevent aging those conversations help but he slips back. I do go out on my own and sometimes we will stay in together on NYE but we play games or watch films no phones allowed. It's a a hard negotiation and many of my friends struggle similarly with their dhs. I'm in my early 60s DH late 60s if you're much younger then really consider wether you want to do this for another 30 years and have some serious conversations.

I’m 40 we have been together for many many years and he used to be the complete opposite I feel like I’m married to a completely different person to the one I met and it’s quite lonely at times. He didn’t even say let’s us go for some food which I would have done it was just a point blank he isn’t doing anything.

I would go out new years, I wouldn’t want to sit scrolling on my phone either.

Reading the op I would say the main problems are him policing your time and having a go at you. Has he always done these behaviours or are they new with the stopping drinking? Do you ever go out just the two of you for a meal/theatre etc? Is he like it then? Di you ever do non drinking socialising?

Id try to sit down and talk about it at a neutral time ie not on the way back from an event. Find out why he has stopped enjoying socialising, is he depressed? Be clear he is spoiling nights out for you and you do not want a curfew or to be ranted at.

He never used to police time and we used to do everything together whether it be drinking or none drinking activities.

I really don’t enjoy going anywhere with him but then when I’m out friends he is asking when I’m home I find it suffocating sometimes.

we used to have a lovely life and did everything together now I’m just on eggshells all the time.

The grown up answer is to have a conversation about it at a neutral time. Ask him what the issue is - is he anxious? Bored? Afraid he can’t have a good time without a drink? Try to find the problem.

And for his part, he has to understand that his behaviour is controlling and not acceptable to you.

My husband isn’t as bad as yours - he has been ill for a few years and I have had to find things to do to keep me sane. We can’t go to restaurants or pubs as he can’t drink or eat ( he is fed though a tube direct into his stomach ) . He hasn’t adapted to this at all and now doesn’t see anyone apart from me , kids and one close friend who pops over from abroad twice a years: he is pretty moody and grumpy and highly critical most of the time

So do a lot of stuff at the rugby club, class rep that kind of stuff . He complains that I do too much whilst he himself does nothing apart from get up and go to work . I find it suffocating when I get asked what time I am home when he will just be in bed anyway: when I can’t give an answer he gets cross, I f I give an answer but I am later he gets cross. I love new year and have said I am not sitting in the house doing nothing- I feel bad as I know he will be in on his own but tbh he will likely be in bed- or sit up watching the tv: I can’t bare it.

you need to go to your friends NYE party

He’s not unreasonable for not drinking but he is unreasonable for not replacing fhe
drinking with anything else. Drinking isn’t the only way to socialise. Can you encourage him to join a sports club,
volunteer, anything where he interacts with people or something tou can do together which isn’t booze-based?
if he has his own life he’s less
likely to be trying to control yours. You really don’t have to do everything together however.