Mum and stepdad split up

[Kim822]

Okay so hard to write about because theres obviously only so much context I can write here.

My mum and stepdad have been together for 24 years; since I was 5. They married when I was 15. On christmas eve they decided to split. I was told on christmas day ( was supposed to be going round christmas evening ) so my mum had no option but to tell me. Theyve been here before, but this time something feels more final. Nasty things were said, christmas day was spent apart, and on boxing day my step dad went out for a family meal ( the full family was supposed to go) . Instead he went with only his bio family and told them all him and my mum were no longer together.
I guess im just looking for some advice on how to support my mum whilst also dealing with my own heart break..
My stepdad has always been a good dad, so much so I used his first name as my sons middle name. I tried to message my step dad today but he was very blunt back. I dont know where I stand with him now, and I jjst feel sad for my mum who is obviously struggling. They are still living in the same house for now but my mum plans on finding alternative and the house they live in is owned by my stepdads mum although she doesnt live there.

Things are obviously very raw for all of you at the moment. Try not to take anything personally or even take sides as it isn’t your argument. Just be there for your mum; not with advice but with hugs and support in organising the separation. Hugs to you too.

@Riversidegirl thanks for the hugs. It definitely is raw. I think my mum is struggling with the thought of restarting her life over at 55. I wish I knew how my stepdad was but he isnt really up for talking to me right now it seems.
The taking sides part is what I find hard, I dont want to in the slightest. I love them both but now feel like If I talk to my stepdad im betraying my mum and If i dont im betraying him. I know it happens but its hard to fathom a relationship nearly as long as my life has ended, bio dad isnt really in life either so hes always been the stable father figure. Im just scared now hes going to cut me off as well. Its all heartbreaking and a new situation to navigate. The support not advice thing is something ill take note off. Thankyou.

You have a right to your own emotions and as adults your mum and stepdad need to acknowledge this. You have a right to love both but also a right not to agree with certain behaviours. These are two separate things. Keeping in contact doesn’t mean you are taking sides.

My mum and SD divorced after 29 years, he’s my ‘dad’ and my son’s grandad. Yes it was awkward at first as my mum was blindsided (we had the script !) 10 years on, he always spends Xmas day with us. I’m still close to both of them.

@notapizzaeater . This actually brings me some comfort. I hope that he still wants me around. Ive always called him by his first name but hes always been my dad and he knows that. He is also grandad to my son. Id hate to think of my life without him in it. Im glad to hear it worked out in your case. Definitely hoping for the same outcome as time passes.

Not trying to derail, but thank you for this post.
My children's father and I split a few years ago now but we still make the effort to spend Xmas Day together.
People have told me they think it's "weird" and often on MN that kind of thing is criticised for "confusing children".

My two are nearly adult now and their Dad and I intend to continue doing this while they spend Xmas at home.
It's good to hear from a child who thinks it's worth it.

Can you write a card to your stepfather, maybe in a few days, saying that you know things are raw now and will take a while to settle, and that you will be supporting your mum, but that you hope you and your son will still see him and tell him that you can’t imagine your life without him in it. Dont know you both so not sure if that’s how you do things but an option.