So sad and lonely

[YorkshirePuddingsS]

So sad and lonely, this time of the year is extremely difficult. Ive been single almost a decade, no chance of me meeting anyway (lone parent.) it doesnt get any better please dont say oh but you have your kids you cant be lonely as quite frankly theyve been awful. Sick of seeing all the big family photos, ive not spoken to another adult for over a week, not even one single xmas message, I even thought my ex would send me a text i was that sad but nothing. It doesnt get better does it?

So sorry OP, hopefully in time kids will get better and you'll get some time back. Don't compare your background to someone else's showreel though. I could have put up 100 photos but a lot of it was overwhelmed whiney kids.

Easier said than done 😔 but thank you.

How old are your kids and what did their christmas eve / day and boxing day look like? There are ways to make it easier and more enjoyable.

They are preteens but thanks im not looking for parenting advice , hope that doesnt sound rude i dont mean it to be they dont make me any less lonely its adult company i miss.

But have you no friends?

Not anymore.

Then that sounds like something to work on in 2026. If your children are pre-teens they can be left for long enough for you to schedule time to do enjoyable things and meet potential friends. There are more people in the world than your ex.

Sadly they fight a lot, i wouldnt leave them alone for extended periods of time.

Do generally not have any adult contact or is it just this week that’s been tricky?

Your preteen children will be adults eventually - within 6 to 8 years.

They will become your adult friends later in life and they will bring new people into your life - they will have boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, marriages..... and possibly eventually also grand children.

In the meantime, please try:

1. Line dancing
2. Classes at your local leisure centre
3. Local walking / rambling groups
4. Join a local Slimming World group - unless you are perfect weight ..... its a great way to meet women of similar age and similar circumstances.
5. Art or painting classes - ask at your local Library for a list of classes and activities available

and the person offering you this advice?

● me, single spinster, age 57 adult orphan - all UK family deceased, a few Aunts, Uncles and cousins in Australia and USA
● I have "acquaintances" nowadays - none are really good, proper friends - but I have a handful of acquaintances who I keep in touch with
● I'm still trying to build up my own social circle and even though it is tough, I do continue to try new activities etc in the hope I will meet someone who I "click" with and bond with the way it appeared to happen so much more easily 30 years ago

I have no children (never married, no kids) so I won't be surrounded by adult children and grandchildren as my new adult friends later in life - you are blessed in that respect.

It’s easier during the week as I’m busy, although weekends are still difficult. The holidays are the worst especially Christmas.

Thank you

Do you work? Are there not people at work you can be friendly with?

So sorry you feel lonely OP, your pre teens sound a handful but for all their squabbling remember they love you even if they don't always show it!
Focus on the New Year and consider ways to meet new people. You could look at making friends on line, someone l know has made several lovely new friends through a dating site which has a 'best friend' section. She is older, single and has no kids so this has been great for her.
Oh and try to ignore all the happy family photos too, l know it's hard but remind yourself they are often just smoke and mirrors and not representative of people's day to day real life relationships!

I was a single parent, and have children younger than yours, I had dabbled a bit in OLD and although no horror stories it never led anywhere I wanted to go. Single for 4 years and just stopped looking. Met my now partner in real life not online 1 year ago when i wasnt looking for anything. So you just never know.
Anything is possible. Sounds like you are feeling a bit down, try thinking of things youd like to try/do in 2026....you never know where you might meet someone.

When i met my partner I was the best version of myself id ever been, I was happy on my own and Independant, my kids were settled and saw me balancing everything on my own....I honestly believe this contributed to me meeting my partner and things falling into place for our relationship, which is the healthiest one ive ever been in.

Get yourself out there making new friends and new hobbies, dont give up you never know whats round the corner

I am in the same boat as you. Been a lone parent for 8 years not through choice and had to relocate, no financial help, nothing. The kids dad is off living his high life making sure he posts all about it while I’m stuck to carry the burden of both our responsibilities. You live in a cycle of working to pay bills and giving your kids everything you can so they don’t feel inadequate amongst their peers because of our circumstance. I have to work from home because otherwise my kids would be coming home to an empty house everyday.
Kids are now 18 and 14.
It’s a miserable life, and what makes it worse is people’s interruptions that you should be happy because you’ve got kids. I’ve tried to have relationships in the past but they failed because I was being pulled in too many directions and it became exhausting. Co parenting is very different to lone parenting people think they understand but they don’t. Being on call 24/7 is not the same as being on call 50/50 or having a free weekend every other week. So I gave up, admitted defeat and decided to get these years done and then commit to my own happiness.
Things are better now a days, the 18 year old is easy and will be leaving home in the next few months. The 14 year old is still hard work but I have hope because of how things have worked out with my 18 year old. But I know the next couple of years are still going to be challenging and lonely.
I completely understand where you are at, and this time of year makes an already difficult life harder. I can not tell you how many times I’ve gone to bed hoping not to wake up the next morning.
I can go weeks without having spoken to another adult or not having a conversation that is outside my children. It’s such an isolated existence.
Theres nothing you can do about the kids or the circumstance, my way of getting through it was to start doing the ground work so that when the time does come I will live the life I want and will deserve from all the scarifies I’ve made.

Sorry to say but ive been single for much longer, 8 years and havent met anyone, i dont get time away from my kids so wouldnt be able to date anyway and i have no social life only place i visit is the supermarket!

Thank you so much, yeah people have no clue what its like being a fully lone parent and how lonely difficult and isolating it is. Then you get well you have your kids so cant be lonely. I have felt far more lonely since having kids and being a lone parent than i ever did before but i had a good social life before kids all that disappeared and the so called friends as well when i became a lone parent and was no longer fun to them.

No advice to give you OP as my circumstances are completely different. But I do understand the loneliness you feel even though you are not alone . I think so called family time like weekends and Xmas highlight your situation and especially with social media seemingly showing everyone have a great time .

Your working situation means you are never going to have workmate friends or meet anyone through work . Unfortunately as hard as it is it is up to you to put yourself out there in order to meet anyone even just friends . Do your kids go to activities that other parents attend ? Could you get involved that way ? Like I said no useful advice but I do hope you see some hope in your future .

I can promise you it does get better OP. I remember initiating conversations with check out people
as lt was the only adult contact I was getting. I think now I’ve made peace with it to a degree as I deliberately use the self check out and just treated myself to my nails done where I deliberately chose the Chinese nail bar where no English is spoken rather then go to one where I’m expected to make small talk. I do have a job now though that involves talking at lot (work in a school and do as hoc shifts in a bar ). I don’t even think about dating anymore. I simply don’t have time. Split up with their dad 12 years ago and apart from an attempt at dating in the early days there has been nothing. My DC are a little older (12 and 15) and honestly they fight horrendously. I walked out the house on Xmas eve as I couldn’t bare it any more but I leave them, I have to. Tbf they do get on better when I’m gone. You can leave yours too or you will be able to. They will just have to get on with it. Do you work? What are your interests?

Very lonely OP. I was thinking today how bloody isolating modern life feels for me. Co parent to teens and it just gets lonelier with less human interaction the older they get! I’ve plans to change jobs to something that will give me some more contact (work with kids in a school) but I’m not sure how easy finding anything will be and if it will give me what I’m looking for.

@sheetsandpillows your post really resonated with me! Could’ve written a lot of what you said. It’s good to know I’m not alone in how I feel, because it feels that way a lot of the time.

Thanks all, just sat here feeling even more lonely, it’s hard. Didn’t picture life to be like this. It feels so unfair. Haven’t even kissed a man in nearly a decade never mind anything else. I feel too young to be living so alone like this. Feel like a shell of a person.

Please know that this time isn't forever. This isn't your life, it's just a period of your life.

And you can start to make changes now. PP have suggested some things you can start to do, to start making friends. It's harder to have a social likfe when you have children, but not impossible. And of course your children will grow up and it will become easier over time.

Don't obverwhelm yourself with solving this problem in one go, but make a plan of small steps and do your best to keep to it. Accept that some efforts will come to nothing, but keep trying.

Do you think you could be depressed? If so, please see your GP.

Imagine what you'd like your life to look like, and start making steps towards it. Every effort is a small win and a step closer to getting the life you want.

Good advice @perfectcolourfound
you’re right I think it can often feel like such a long long time in a person’s life though (raising kids alone etc), but it is not a person’s entire story you are correct.