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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hi, I posted a while back.

21 replies

HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 14:41

I have been in a high conflict coparent situation for about 7 months, my ex had an affair and didn’t treat me brilliant.

I had a falling out with my mum in 2021. I had a lot of stuff going on. I witnessed DV when I was younger and had some health problems going on as a result which caused me to be quite an anxious child. I got diagnosed with tics and Tourette’s which was sadly a misdiagnosis. The body twitches are actually down to my hypermobility that I was diagnosed with in only 2024.

I had a huge argument with my mam, lots of feelings built up and build up till one day I exploded. I blamed her for what I’d seen, and my health problems. I feel incredibly guilty. I was pregnant and hormonal and very nervous about becoming a mam. I accused her of lying to the doctors and I don’t even know why. I was really angry and hurt. I obviously confided in my coparent about this and said some pretty mean things about her out of anger.

Now I know the reason my health wasn’t the best growing up and she wasn’t to blame we rekindled our relationship. I told my coparent today and I said I shouldn’t have said what I said, she did nothing wrong and that we have rekindled. It wasn’t her fault about my health and I shouldn’t have put the blame on her. He messaged me back saying “amazing, I’m glad they have more family around them”

He and his family are very manipulative and I feel although he may use this towards me in some way or out in a malicious referral to social services. But he just said he thought it was amazing they were around family? I’m very nervous and on edge. What do you think? Do I have anything to worry about? Me and my mam have never done anything wrong, no criminal records, fantastic records of parenting. How do I approach this?

OP posts:
Catza · 27/12/2025 15:26

I don't understand what you are saying.
You had patchy relationship with your mum. You now made up and have a good relationship.

Who is "he", "them" and "co-patent" and why are you worried about social services?

Original poster
HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 15:28

When me and my mum fell out we had a huge argument. I had some health issues when I was young and god misdiagnosed with an illness. I blamed her and said she spoke out of her backside to doctors out of pure anger. I’m scared my coparent may use that against me with the kids and relationship with my mam.

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 15:30

Catza · 27/12/2025 15:26

I don't understand what you are saying.
You had patchy relationship with your mum. You now made up and have a good relationship.

Who is "he", "them" and "co-patent" and why are you worried about social services?

I had some health issues when I was young and got misdiagnosed with an illness. I had anxiety and they diagnosed me with tics and Tourette’s. I blamed her and said she spoke out of her backside to doctors out of pure anger and she didn’t. I’m scared my coparent may use that against me with the kids and relationship with my mam.

OP posts:
Catza · 27/12/2025 15:32

HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 15:30

I had some health issues when I was young and got misdiagnosed with an illness. I had anxiety and they diagnosed me with tics and Tourette’s. I blamed her and said she spoke out of her backside to doctors out of pure anger and she didn’t. I’m scared my coparent may use that against me with the kids and relationship with my mam.

Show quote history

Then why did you text him?

Original poster
HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 15:33

I didn’t it was when we were married I spoke to him about it

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 15:33

Catza · 27/12/2025 15:32

Then why did you text him?

Show quote history

It was when we married

OP posts:
Catza · 27/12/2025 15:37

No, you clearly said "I told them today". So why did you if you were worried they will use it against you.

Sounds like a massive overreaction it you know your situation best. Nothing you can do to change it now anyway but, going forward, I recommend you don't share personal information with your exes.

Original poster
HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 15:40

Catza · 27/12/2025 15:37

No, you clearly said "I told them today". So why did you if you were worried they will use it against you.

Sounds like a massive overreaction it you know your situation best. Nothing you can do to change it now anyway but, going forward, I recommend you don't share personal information with your exes.

I told him I had rekindled my relationship with my mam and just explained everything was a big argument when I had the argument with her we were married in 2021 and that we all said things we didn’t mean and it wasn’t her fault. I didn’t want him to think that she was a risk to the kids because she’s not it was all things said out of anger. His family can be very vindictive and I’ve seen them in a previous custody battle. But there’s no concerns anywhere I would be happy for social service to investigate because she didn’t do anything wrong.

OP posts:
Catza · 27/12/2025 15:43

So what's your question then?

Original poster
HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 15:46

Catza · 27/12/2025 15:43

So what's your question then?

I’m worried that now I’m talking to my mum even though it was an argument and not true he’s going to try and make a report to social services

OP posts:
bluebella79 · 27/12/2025 15:49

Do you suffer with anxiety? As this sounds like anxiety talking x

Bobbybobbins · 27/12/2025 15:52

Sounds like a volatile set of relationships all round OP. I’m sure you are doing your best to create a peaceful loving environment for your DC.

Original poster
HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 16:15

Bobbybobbins · 27/12/2025 15:52

Sounds like a volatile set of relationships all round OP. I’m sure you are doing your best to create a peaceful loving environment for your DC.

things with my mam are much better and I have a lot of family support now.

in terms of coparenting he had an affair and left for the woman, I wished him the best and said to do what makes him happy despite being heartbroken and encouraged relationships with both kids working round his schedule. He then started looking for me at work, looking through my windows at home on a few occasions and things like that. His mam was crying on my shoulder then justifying his affair to others, they are very vindictive and the other son had a court case and they are very dirty fighters when it comes to these things I’ve seen first hand. Asking who I was with and who I was introducing to the kids and if I was but doing the same and keeping it quiet.

He said he wants to put this all behind us and do the best thing for the kids and he also messaged the I told him about fixing the relationship with my mam (argument was 4 years ago) that it was amazing and he was so pleased they had their family around them. I’m hoping this is a genuine want for being amicable and not just to change his ways again. When I wished him the best I meant it

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 16:16

bluebella79 · 27/12/2025 15:49

Do you suffer with anxiety? As this sounds like anxiety talking x

I suffer with anxiety horrendously. I think worse case scenario all the time x

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 27/12/2025 16:19

I think you're worrying needlessly. Keep your wits around him and tell him as little as you can.

You have been very forgiving towards him and I wish you the best in moving forwarding.

tuvamoodyson · 27/12/2025 16:19

So, did you tell him all this today??

Original poster
HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 16:25

tuvamoodyson · 27/12/2025 16:19

So, did you tell him all this today??

He was around when me and my mam had the argument. I blamed her for the reason I had bad health and said she talked out her backside to doctors, emotions were really really high. Nobody could get to the bottom of what was going on and it turns out I was hyper mobile after 13 of trying to get a diagnosis. It was very hard to deal with. I was treated for 2 different things before they got to the bottom of it. It was a very hard time in my life. I don’t even know why I blamed her, probably because the anxiety of what I witnessed in the DV caused the anxiety that lead to the misdiagnosis.

yeah I told him I had rekindled with my family. I didn’t want any secrets and I told him the argument was a huge misunderstanding and she didn’t do anything wrong. obviously we were married when we had the row and he heard everything I had to say and so did his family.

it wasn’t her fault, I feel terrible. I was just angry and I don’t want his family using this as something against me saying the kids are safe round her. She’s got no criminal record or any safeguarding concerns on her records.

I think worse case because I absolutely adore these kids, they are my world and more. I wouldn’t ever put them in a position they wouldn’t be safe. The are my absolute world!

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 16:27

Diarygirlqueen · 27/12/2025 16:19

I think you're worrying needlessly. Keep your wits around him and tell him as little as you can.

You have been very forgiving towards him and I wish you the best in moving forwarding.

A lot of people have said this to me. I’m going to try and calm myself down it’s chewed me up all during the Christmas. I just adore my kids so much and I always worry he’s going to try and take them from me. I do everything for them, school, education and care, clothes, nigh feeds, supporting our daughter with ASD with development, appointments. I couldn’t survive without my kids. X

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 16:29

HappyPanda23 · 27/12/2025 16:27

A lot of people have said this to me. I’m going to try and calm myself down it’s chewed me up all during the Christmas. I just adore my kids so much and I always worry he’s going to try and take them from me. I do everything for them, school, education and care, clothes, nigh feeds, supporting our daughter with ASD with development, appointments. I couldn’t survive without my kids. X

Show quote history

I have a totally clean record with all professions as does my mam. She didn’t do anything wrong it was just heated argument that went wrong x

OP posts:
bluebella79 · 27/12/2025 16:50

OP this is 100% anxiety talking and you are spiralling. Please
calm yourself down. No one is going to take your children from you over a row that long ago. Big hugs x

Endofyear · 27/12/2025 20:51

OP you were reassured on your previous posters by many that you are worrying over nothing. Your anxiety is causing these thoughts and I think continuing to post is making your anxiety spiral. You need to speak to your doctor and get some support for the anxiety.

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