Been involved with a man for a long time now.
However I’ve not been feeling the same way for a while.
This wasn’t one big dramatic moment. It was a pattern of not listening, not respecting me, and then acting like I was the problem for being hurt.
So I text him today ( we can’t see each other cos of my children who have never met him and never will now - deep down I knew not to let them) that it was time to knock things on the head.
I really need to stick with it too. He has a habit of winning me around.
What was the final straw? I’ve just not missed him. I saw him at the weekend where just as I was leaving and at the door he gave me a gift to open in front of him. Weird in itself as I had given him gifts to go under his tree on arrival.
Anyway I Saw the shop gift bag. He hadn’t wrapped it. I saw the item tried to be grateful but I just wasn’t and for once I couldn’t be arsed to act.
He said you don’t like it. I said it’s not really that it’s where it’s from…
I told him repeatedly not to buy things from a certain shop. There are decent reasons which are too outing but involves a family member who works there and it’s not positive. He did it anyway. Worse, he bought an item that would have replaced something I recently started wearing in memory of someone I loved. That wasn’t just “a gift I didn’t like” — it ignored my grief, my meaning, and my identity. Especially after he’d already bought me the same type of item before, watched me never wear it, and heard me explain it’s not my style. Too over the top, not me, and honestly a bit tacky. None of that mattered.
Perfume was the same story previously. I hated one he bought me because it gave me headaches and made me sick. I tried to wear it but honestly each time I felt ill. I explained that clearly to him. It was a very heavy scent compared to my usual ones. I told him which one I do love — I even wrote it down. The next Christmas? He bought the exact same one that made me ill. Again.
Then there’s my allergy. He repeatedly “forgot” to tell takeaway places. He repeatedly bought food for “us” that contained my allergy. When I asked him not to eat it around me, I was told I was being unreasonable. When I didn’t want to kiss him afterwards, I was accused of overreacting.
This isn’t about gifts. I’m actually the least materialistic people ever. I’d rather have nothing if it’s not been thought about than have money thrown at a situation which he does.
It’s about someone showing, again and again, that my words don’t matter, my health doesn’t matter, and my boundaries are optional. Love isn’t just intention — it’s attention, care, and respect. And after explaining myself over and over, I realised I was dating someone who listened just enough to argue back, not enough to actually change.
So I’m done. Not angry — just clear. I deserve more.