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Original poster

How would you do this?

10 replies

Happyinheels · 26/12/2025 11:52

Hello! I know it’s Christmas but this is playing on my mind and I really need advice. Not sure if I’ve posted it in the right place so apologies if it’s not.

My DP and I have been together for over 6 years. He moved location to move in with me and my DC (now 19,22) about 4 years ago. He did have custody of his DD but post Covid she chose to move in with her mum and remains there to this day. They still have a great relationship.
Anyway, everything relationship wise and children etc is all fine, very happy etc.
My DP has spoken about marriage a few times. I’m not so sure. Not because I don’t love him. I was married for 17 years, in a very controlling relationship and I fought hard to escape, and to buy my exh out of our family home.
My DP moved in with us, he didn’t have a property. And that’s fine. Moving forward though, we’ve talked about getting a mortgage together. Basically, at the moment, he pays me money each month and it just gets used on whatever it needs to be, bills, mortgage etc. it’s not specifically earmarked for a set bill. I don’t know how to make it fair moving forward. The house has gone up by £100k in the ten years I’ve been divorced. I only have £100k left to pay on it - granted that takes me to retirement age.
I’m looking for advice on how you would approach this to make it fair. My house is worth about £340k.
Sorry for the waffle - I just wanted to give a clear picture.
I suppose I’m asking 2 things - how to make it fair for my DP but how do I protect myself? I fought hard for this house and keeping the roof over mine and my kids heads. I don’t want to jeopardise my security, or my kids security. But I also want to protect my partner in case anything happens to me.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 26/12/2025 11:58

You should talk to a lawyer and draw up a will accordingly.

Personally I don’t see any benefit to you at all if you marry this man

However it’s a dangerous game taking money off him towards your mortgage costs as there have been instances where partners can put a charge on the property as they believe they have a claim to it as they’ve contributed to the property for years

DisplayPurposesOnly · 26/12/2025 11:59

Honestly, I wouldn't change anything. No marriage and no shared mortgage. He should contribute towards the running costs of the household and - to make things 'fair' - build up his own savings pot in case he needs to buy his own place in future.

If you do really want to give him a share in your house, you could become tenants in common where you each own a defined proportion (eg, you 80%, him 20%).

FlockOfSausages · 26/12/2025 13:02

What do you feel is unfair about the arrangement you have now?

Original poster
Happyinheels · 26/12/2025 13:25

Quitelikeit · 26/12/2025 11:58

You should talk to a lawyer and draw up a will accordingly.

Personally I don’t see any benefit to you at all if you marry this man

However it’s a dangerous game taking money off him towards your mortgage costs as there have been instances where partners can put a charge on the property as they believe they have a claim to it as they’ve contributed to the property for years

The money he pays me isn’t earmarked towards anything. It just goes into my current account. Everything is in my name. Do you think that’s still risky?

OP posts:
yeesh · 26/12/2025 13:26

he is gaining financially by living with you as he will be saving on paying rent etc so it’s up to him to make use of that saved money. If anything happened to you then he would need to rent somewhere which is the position he was in when he met you anyway. Don’t risk losing half your home in a divorce or your children’s inheritance.

Original poster
Happyinheels · 26/12/2025 13:30

@FlockOfSausages I suppose I’m aware that the house continues to go up in value. And that he has nothing to show for his money.
But equally, I’m happy as things are. He hasn’t been married before and I think maybe it’s a romantic thing for him. Whereas I am happy with how things are. Not that he’s not happy with how things are. And he has never pushed to be on the mortgage or anything. But I was just musing how this would work. I’ve always said that the house would be my children’s inheritance and he knows this. He’s a really lovely man.
I agree @Quitelikeit , I definitely need to sort my will.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 26/12/2025 13:31

It is risky yes, but there are ways to cover yourself off

I have seen the same scenario on here before I think in these circumstances the lady had a tenancy or something drawn up

If you suddenly died you’d be surprised how reluctant he might be to leave your property when he’d been paying rent/towards it for ten years or however long

Best to get proper advice

FlockOfSausages · 26/12/2025 14:37

Happyinheels · 26/12/2025 13:30

@FlockOfSausages I suppose I’m aware that the house continues to go up in value. And that he has nothing to show for his money.
But equally, I’m happy as things are. He hasn’t been married before and I think maybe it’s a romantic thing for him. Whereas I am happy with how things are. Not that he’s not happy with how things are. And he has never pushed to be on the mortgage or anything. But I was just musing how this would work. I’ve always said that the house would be my children’s inheritance and he knows this. He’s a really lovely man.
I agree @Quitelikeit , I definitely need to sort my will.

I wouldn’t change anything.

Diarygirlqueen · 26/12/2025 14:42

Is he saving his money for his security? He needs to think of his longterm security as well and that for his daughter.

AltitudeCheck · 26/12/2025 15:01

It's very hard to ringfence a property in marriage. If you marry the house becomes half his. If you die first he could inherit your house, he could pass it to his daughter, it could be sold to pay his care fees or he could even remarry.... your children could lose the family home. Far better not to marry, agree he pays you 'rent' each month and builds up his own savings for retirement and/ or buys his own place for security. You can add to your will that he can remain living there after your death if you were to pass first to give him security if you wish to.

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