Dreading going to MIL today. Anyone have any top tips?

[sellotape12]

Since we skipped it last two years, we are going to DH parents later today. They are very anti-london. We have lived in London for 10 years. It’s passive aggressive comments all the time, ridiculous stuff like ‘we’ll bring CITY GERMS’ (we live in the zone 3 suburbs).
Plus they’re not particularly Christmassy people and FIL doesn’t seem to like children.

We’ve agreed to 2 nights because it’s so far away and then we are going home. So it is temporary but I’ve been awake since 5am with my head playing out all the things she’s likely to say or just be cold about. I’m pregnant so probably hormonal too. Do you have any helpful tips on how to manage the time? Or how do you brace yourself in a healthy way?

It wasn’t one single transgression @SummerInSun i think you have misread. It’s their personality. Very set in the ways and passive aggressive. I would say maybe 30% of any and all communication or meeting with them is pleasant and polite.

When you are tired of London you are tired of Life

Dr Samuel Johnson

62!! They sound 82! I'm 62 and can't imagine being so joyless!

Surely if someone's parents are so difficult that their child needs therapy to cope with them, the parents should realise that their child will be reluctant to visit and have a relationship with them. How do your PILs react to the lack of visits from your DH's sibling?

I just wouldn’t go. I absolutely refuse to spend time around people I don’t like- there’s no need for it and it’s enjoyable for nobody involved.

Make a MiL bingo card. Always fun. suboptimal parenting/ London/general frosty bitchiness. Bring some festive jollity to a bad situation.

Well well, she’s mentioned my size twice and London filth once so the mental bingo card is going well..!

Their excitable dog scratched our baby and MIL said to DH “well his mother wasn’t watching him.” That was 3 Christmasses ago.

Honestly OP, why are you still putting up with this.

I'd have been out right there and then.

Your other half sounds like a wimp not putting you nr. 1, and his family.

what is it with these pathetic men these days?!

I know ILs can be very difficult, we are ILs now, we had ILs. Both DMs were not good, one FIL was good, other died when DS was 18 months. You don't live nearby, just put up with it for the short time you are all together. Ear plugs are good but actually just pretend you have them. Your DCs will learn how family dynamics (do/not) work. Just let it all go over your head as you could be an IL later in life and not be the perfect one. I certainly know I am not but try not to be dreadful.

The pub nearest my in-laws has burnt down, this was the only thing that has kept me going over the last 20 years.
My wisdom is they won't get better. At least you know that now. I stupidly thought if I was nicer, politer, meeker it would be better.
30 years down the road they are more passive aggressively rude then ever. They've shrunk and look more and more like the Twits.
I'm stuck here on their sofa, thinking terrible, hostile thoughts. There's no other people - work. Clients, further family that make me bristle like they do.

Would I fuck be going to visit people who

• criticise my parenting
• condoned their dog scratching my baby
• made nonsense comments about bringing ‘city germs’
• don’t like children
• criticise me working and not staying home with the children like a good little wife
• show no interest in my husbands life

I get your OH feels some misguided sense of duty but let him go himself or with the kids.

Oh goodness, how are you holding up? Keeping us updated might lighten the load.

I think your life would look much better but that's just me. Mt two pieces of advice are to grey rock the comments and plan someothing lovely to do once the visit is over. Focus on that when things get difficult.....or you could tear them a collective new one and go home? either works for me.

I just wouldn't go, leave DH to fill his boots if he wants to. I did the same with my horribly passive aggressive MIL in the end, life felt so much better after she died tbh.

62 and behaving like the Countess of Grantham. No advice just sorry to hear etc

I wouldn't have gone.
You could have many more years of this nonsense.

I wouldn't have gone, either.

Smile, laugh at all the comments, eat chocolate and play games with your kids. Then go home and have a lovely time. Good luck xx

I'm away at my mil at the moment, only one night but today has been tedious. I just be quiet, grit my teeth, smile and nod at the right time, play on my phone and be a little non engaging then have a good moan about it to my husband all the way home 🤣

If this doesn’t go well and you can see malicious behaviour, going forward husband could see them on his own. It’s not going to be healthy for your children to be exposed to that. My MIL was an utter cow, we haven’t seen her for many years now thankfully, DH still speaks to her every so often but she’s so self-centred, never asks about him or anyone. She’s a pathetic person. Some people don’t deserve their families. If however yours are just old-fashioned and a bit annoying then do your best to protect yourselves when there and remember they have to live with themselves, clearly unhappy people taking it out on others. Be strong smile and be prepared to bat away their comments, don’t let them treat you like an idiot.

Agree with everything she says then add in a nonsense statement and laugh, she will get confused and won't know what to do.