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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Son refusing to come home

18 replies

Mammy7 · 25/12/2025 21:33

Hi so I have a 10 year old son who has adhd and autism, 10 years ago when he was born I wasn’t with the father, however I allowed my son to have a relationship with him and his family which was great as they treated him really well. They come from a money background and I am just the normal run of the mill mum with a small two bedroom house and I’m a nurse nothing too flash about me. All the time he has gone to his paternal family they have spoilt him rotten, extravagant presents and holidays a great life more than you could wish for. So when he returns to me it’s very boring I would say normal life, tea time chill time bath time bed time. I have also treated my son the best I can at birthdays and Christmas the usual throughout the year. Even though he has autism and adhd if he has been doing something wrong I have told him off, not many times to be honest. So the night before Christmas Eve, a bombshell was dropped on me he and the grandma turned up as I thought he was being dropped back to me, I got basically told he doesn’t want to be with you and he said he feels “intimidated” by you and scared of you he doesn’t want to be alone with you or return home. Obviously I was besides myself devastated as the night got on I was heartbroken. I suffered verbal abuse from the father as I tried to contact him to have a conversation I was shut down, told my feelings don’t matter and that they have decide the plan and that’s it. I have swopped messages with the grandma she has tried to show empathy to me not sure if it is genuine as I don’t know how she and her son let my son come home to me at Christmas time. I have been in such a state for the last 3 days and don’t know what to do, every suggestion I make I get told you can see him for an hour there or half an hour here, he said he doesn’t want to be with you on his own. Thoughts or suggestions? I am desperate.

OP posts:
CarrierbagsAndPJs · 25/12/2025 21:37

Is he on the birth certificate? Court is probably your only option. And it could get expensive.

WhattheFudgeareyouonabout · 25/12/2025 21:38

I’m speaking into the microphone to text this to you so sorry if it doesn’t read very well

first of all please get any communication with them in writing. Second of all children with autism can be very easily influenced and lead and are quite vulnerable in that regard, as I’m sure you know. You need to get professional help-contact a family solicitor immediately and I would write to them that you do not accept that you are intimidating or that you are going to allow him to live with them- definitely please seek legal help and I am so sorry this is happening to you. It’s absolute shit and my son is autistic and I know how easily lead he could’ve been at that age and his father and the family were horrible to me when I broke up with his father, so I do understand how it feels. sending hugs xxx

Mammy7 · 25/12/2025 21:47

Yeah he is, I feel like to words my son is coming out with is very coached for a ten year old

OP posts:
WhattheFudgeareyouonabout · 25/12/2025 21:57

Mammy7 · 25/12/2025 21:47

Yeah he is, I feel like to words my son is coming out with is very coached for a ten year old

I’m sure he’s been coached- I’d bet anything on it in fact ❤️‍🩹. Please try to keep all communication with them through messages so you have a clear record. When you speak to a solicitor (or phone citizens advice), tell them you believe he’s being coached as he’s vulnerable and can be easily led. Speak to SLT at his school as soon as you can. They will be able to offer support and guidance as well.

WhattheFudgeareyouonabout · 25/12/2025 22:02

Does your ex have parental responsibility? I’m assuming you do. You can phone the police and tell them your child has not been returned to you and that you are being prevented from seeing hom
alone. Unless they have a genuine concern for his wellbeing in your care, this could be seen as parental alienation at the least and kidnapping. My argument would also be that if they truly believe you were harming him, why have they not reported concerns to the relevant agencies. They have taken this into their own hands. Turn it back on them. Take your power back. Ring the police and at least have it logged so you have a trail. They don’t get to decide when you see YOUR DS ❤️‍🩹

Mammy7 · 25/12/2025 22:18

It makes me worried about phoning the police as the words are coming out my sons mouth so I’m scared it makes me look stupid x

OP posts:
Cat1504 · 25/12/2025 22:24

WhattheFudgeareyouonabout · 25/12/2025 22:02

Does your ex have parental responsibility? I’m assuming you do. You can phone the police and tell them your child has not been returned to you and that you are being prevented from seeing hom
alone. Unless they have a genuine concern for his wellbeing in your care, this could be seen as parental alienation at the least and kidnapping. My argument would also be that if they truly believe you were harming him, why have they not reported concerns to the relevant agencies. They have taken this into their own hands. Turn it back on them. Take your power back. Ring the police and at least have it logged so you have a trail. They don’t get to decide when you see YOUR DS ❤️‍🩹

If ex has PR the police will not be interested…..dad has excercised his pr and taken his child ….nothing illegal there….OP will need to go to family court

bettyboo9 · 25/12/2025 23:33

This is so sad to read. I really hope things turn around for you both soon and he’s back with his Mamma x

Mammy7 · 26/12/2025 10:21

If his name is on the certificate does that mean he can keep him from me? X

OP posts:
Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 26/12/2025 10:25

Mammy7 · 26/12/2025 10:21

If his name is on the certificate does that mean he can keep him from me? X

Yes, as it gives him parental responsibility and the police will see it as a civil matter unless you are worried there is a safeguarding issue.

My best advice would be dont antagonise the issue, tell them you eclectic him tone returned at x time on x day and then get a solicitor and take him to court.

Cat1504 · 26/12/2025 15:04

Mammy7 · 26/12/2025 10:21

If his name is on the certificate does that mean he can keep him from me? X

Yes…he’s excercised his parental rights …rightly or wrongly….you need to contact family courts when they open again after the holidays

Mammy7 · 27/12/2025 19:33

So update, I was promised a visit today and it didn’t happen as apparently he refused. However the father come around with his mother continued to shut me down when I asked why and why aren’t they urging him back, they denied having him spoilt has anything to do with it, they said he referred living here in my 2 bedroom new build house as grim and he is unhappy when with me as I tell him off. I asked him why when I have spoke to him on the phone he is using vocabulary and adult would use they deny that also, saying they have to go along with what he wants and it’s unfortunate he doesn’t want me…so another night of hell for me missing my baby boy.

OP posts:
Dartsplayer · 27/12/2025 19:51

OP don't let them bully you. You need to apply to Court for his return asap. You need to fill in a C100 form and pay the relevant fee and mark it urgent. You may also want to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order on the same application so that he can't take him from your care again. I would also send an email to his school explaining what has happened and stating that you do not give permission for him to be removed from this school just in case they try to move his school. You do not need to spend lots of money on a solicitor, you can self-represent. This group were a fantastic help when similar happened to a family member https://www.facebook.com/groups/488124058749486/?ref=share As others said, he will be asked by the Court why he didn't report any safeguarding issues to the relevant authorities before taking him. Judges see these situations happening all the time and the Judge won't be hapoy with him. Also definitely get all communication in writing as evidence. Good luck

Mammy7 · 27/12/2025 20:45

I’m going to speak to the school when it re opens and speak to a solicitor when they also open as Christmas holidays but it just hard to get through each day and night in my own thoughts not knowing what is going to happen

OP posts:
GiveafuckGertrude · 27/12/2025 21:20

Just do the C100 form OP, nothing will change until you get the ball rolling

Dartsplayer · 27/12/2025 21:22

GiveafuckGertrude · 27/12/2025 21:20

Just do the C100 form OP, nothing will change until you get the ball rolling

This ⬆️

Tammygirl12 · 27/12/2025 21:25

GiveafuckGertrude · 27/12/2025 21:20

Just do the C100 form OP, nothing will change until you get the ball rolling

This

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 27/12/2025 21:42

Dartsplayer · 27/12/2025 19:51

OP don't let them bully you. You need to apply to Court for his return asap. You need to fill in a C100 form and pay the relevant fee and mark it urgent. You may also want to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order on the same application so that he can't take him from your care again. I would also send an email to his school explaining what has happened and stating that you do not give permission for him to be removed from this school just in case they try to move his school. You do not need to spend lots of money on a solicitor, you can self-represent. This group were a fantastic help when similar happened to a family member https://www.facebook.com/groups/488124058749486/?ref=share As others said, he will be asked by the Court why he didn't report any safeguarding issues to the relevant authorities before taking him. Judges see these situations happening all the time and the Judge won't be hapoy with him. Also definitely get all communication in writing as evidence. Good luck

@Mammy7 I just wanted to highlight all this again ^^

Turn it into a list and get it boxed off tomorrow / Monday.

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