Broke up with bf - talk me out of texting him

[Loosielou]

Hi
yesterday I broke up with my bf of 4 months. Rubbish timing I know! It started so well and feel like I was love bombed but both felt this was different and had a future together. The last 3 weeks it changed and he became moody and issues arose about me having not enough time for him. I’m a single parent, I work so tried to keep a balance of everything but for him the time I could give him was not enough.

in the end I was fed up of going round in circles about me not giving enough time, he blaming me for not text quick enough (we texted all the time) or not calling enough (when he didn’t call either). I felt I was always trying to defend myself and he was always questioning how I felt which made me back off. Yesterday I couldn’t keep on having the same argument so callled it a day.

i know it’s only 1 day but I miss him especially texting and grieving what I thought could have been.wonder if I should tried harder but honestly I felt on edge all the time. I’m so tempted to text him to just check in and make sure he’s ok but I know that’s not a good idea esp as I’ve been drinking. How do I not fall into temptation! Thanks

He has friends, family and a support network ge doesn't need you to check in. You broke up with him so let him go.

Read your own post back
-you felt on edge all the time?
-moody, accusing you of not having time for him when you're a parent?
Sounds rubbish. And only 4 months in? Would definitely get worse.

You're not grieving him, you're grieving who you thought he was/the relationship you wanted but did not have.
The quicker you move away from him, the sooner you are free to hopefully meet someone better and make that dream a reality.
Have confidence in yourself and your judgement. You made the right choice.

Now step away from the phone! Occupy yourself with something interesting and DO NOT contact him!!

Remember we do everything for a reason and you've listed many reasons why.

It's only been 4 months. It shouldn't be this hard this early on.

Going backwards now would be like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole!

You're just in a panic stage. But when the dust settles, you know it will be the right choice. Trust yourself and realise you made the right choice.

Texting him would be cruel. You would be toying with him, whether you mean to or not.

Don't be that person

This!

what Butidid said.

if you got back with him, the time you waste on that guy is time you arent meeting the right guy. dont waste another second more on him. plenty more fish in the sea. throw this one back.

Delete his number and you'll be less tempted. If it's right it should be fun and easy at this stage.

Agree with pp deleted his number.
You're a single working mum so there are going to be times you're busy unavailable.
His me me me attitude would piss me off not to mention only four months in.

A rando you dated for 4 months resented that you spent so much time with your kid that you are a single parent to.

He's controlling and selfish thinking after a couple months dating he should be more important than your kid. Trying harder would mean you picking him over your kid. You really want that?

He's an asshole and keep him out of your life.

Sorry but he sounds like an immature selfish prick and you’re so much better off without some twat like this in your life.

Delete his number - every time you miss him, remember he wanted you to prioritise him over you DC which shows you what a tosser he is.

Remove the possibility and delete his number. Move on. He doesn't sound that great

If a relationship is this much hard work after only 4 months that is a massive red flag. You know deep down that you wouldn't be texting to 'check in and make sure he's ok' but because you're hoping he'll talk you into giving it another try. If he has a problem with how much time you can spend with him, that's not going to change - you have children and they are and should be your first priority. Stop kidding yourself that the relationship would work. It won't. Delete his number from your phone and distract yourself with plenty of activity - do things with the children, see friends & family, exercise, keep yourself busy!

You did the right thing to end it, it was really unfair of him to pressure you so much, making it impossible for you to be happy. It will take time to adjust to going no contact, especially with the Christmas break but come January I’m sure you’ll get past this.

Thanks for the advice, i haven’t messaged him as you’re right what would it achieve. I’m finding it harder as according to him everything that was wrong was me not doing enough, he just wouldn’t see that his attitude was pushing me away. I was just so hopeful that this was my person but then he showed his true colours. I just need to get through this grieving process but thank you as your support has help.

Block his # ASAP. There is no reason not to.

Block, delete number, back on Tinder, next

Op I was in this exact same situation last xmas
i dumped him on the 23rd, felt so guilty and caved.
the issues were still there all this year until we finally split for good in October.
i really wish I hadn’t contacted him again last Xmas and wasted so much more time

Don't allow your sense of loss to overwhelm what you know is the right course of action. You are grieving, of course you are...you're grieving for the relationship you wish it had been, could have been. The reality is that it's not the relationship you got.
He would suffocate you and you know it. Clingy, demanding, manipulative twat.
You've got a kid and no time for that. Well done.

He's expecting a lot from a 4 month relationship and it's already going downhill. Cut your losses, you will regret letting him back in.

Be really proud of yourself OP, you’ve put your kids & yourself first and got rid of a guy who would have been emotionally abusive. He had already started. He has already managed to gaslight you into believing you may be the problem. Awful. Chin up, hold head high - you did good. There are lovely men out there and he was not one of them.

Thanks for everyone support. I have woke up feeling bit better. However just had a missed call off him. He literally called for a couple of seconds then stopped. Thinking this is probably to get my attention, I just hoping he doesn’t call again as I know I feel torn if to answer.

This is why you need to block him everywhere - so he can't mess with your head like this.

If he's not blocked, you are constantly on edge whenever your phone vibrates and this maintains the addiction that love-bombing and intermittent reinforcement (cycle of being nice then blaming you) has created.

This man is 100% abusive. Stay rid and get properly No Contact.

That was a mentally abusive life waiting to happen. Be glad you're out. If you doubt what Im saying, go read one of the many mental abuse stories on here that start similar to your story. You've had a lucky escape.

The love bombing and neediness is a real concern.
Sounds like you're best off out of it.
Has he called again?

@Loosielou come on heed the advice for your own sake.
24 replies that's a lot of years of life experience telling you the same.
Block and delete.👍😁