What does she want

[MonkeyChopsUser]

To preface, I’m male and looking for some female insight.
I was in a 2 year relationship with a woman which ended abruptly this autumn, she said one of her children was ill and needed to concentrate on him.
we had a couple of dates in September but nothing happened ( I think she had moved on to some else )
Out of the blue she invited me out for a drink just before Christmas for a catch up and she talked about her new boyfriend and showed me some pictures ( I was dumped for him )
She has gone to stay with him for Christmas,( long distance ) but wants to catch up with me after Christmas ( we are local ) .
im so upset and torn about this, it hurts so much and feels like she is almost torturing my feelings.
am I being used as a backup in case this other relationship goes wrong for her?

It sounds like she wants to stay friends? If that doesn't work for you, you don't have to see her. She's in a new relationship and isn't being very sensitive to your feelings.

Perhaps, just decline the invite and be more blunt, you’re moving on and not wanting to stay friends, it’s not doing you any good by keeping in touch.

She sounds really insensitive
I wouldn’t be meeting up with her again
stop putting energy into trying to understand and save that for yourself so you can find a decent relationship with someone else

You need to take control and tell her that staying friends doesn’t work for you, wish her well, delete her number and move on

Speaking as a male it looks as if you are Plan B in case Plan A doesn't work. Either that or she is totally insensitive. Ignore her and move on.

It's not really about what she wants. She made her choice. However, it sounds like to me that you're on the back burner, or Plan B, whichever you like to call it. She wants to keep you in her orbit, in case things don't work out with Plan A.

Don't be someone's plan B.

"am I being used as a backup in case this other relationship goes wrong for her?"

Yes.

If I dated someone for 2 years I might want to remain friends. Maybe she just assumes you do. And brings up him either because are assumes you aren't fussed anymore or, to make it clear you two are over and she only wants friendship.

If it's not what you want, simply say 'Sorry but I find this all too weird. Wish you all the best but I'm not looking to continue on a friendship'. Job done.

Agreed

I wouldn't like this at all. You're either a backup or she's being quite insensitive to how you feel. If you haven't then do explain to her that you're hurt from the split and would rather not see her; and that having to hear all about her new partner was unpleasant. Guessing she didn't realise. Better to say it and move on then not at all. Just be nice about it.

Thanks all, I’ve just realised that she had him lined up while still sleeping with me ,

I feel like such an idiot now.