Not getting in touch with ex - help

[Alwayschillyatnight]

Miss him love him.know he loves and wants me. But he needs to do some work on himself and if I go back things would go south pretty fast, falling into old habits and patterns. Im attracted to the familiarity because his behaviour echoes my ex husband's in a lot of ways.

I KNOW no contact is the best and healthiest thing for me but goddamn it's hard not to.

Anyone got any positive stories about staying strong in this kinda situation?
Help.

Think about it, if hes not been in touch since the breakup, what more do you need to know about how HE feels? Silence is an answer in itself.

Why validate his power over you by getting in touch? He might respond by telling you he doesn’t want to hear from you and please stop contacting him.

You might be missing the potential you thought he had but the reality is probably quite different. So unless he does the work on himself, understands his weakness, has some introspection and validates all the hurt feelings you have about the life you had with him, then frankly, whether you think he wants or loves you or not, you’ll be dropping back into the same familiar patterns that broke you in the first place.

My advice? Distract yourself every time you get the urge to get in touch. Don’t rip the plaster off your wounds because that’s what’s going to happen if you don’t get the outcome you’re hoping for.

Its over. Embrace that and start 2026 afresh.

You can do it. I know it's not easy. But all you have to do is nothing.

Sit with the distress and channel it into something else.

It won't bring the relief you're hoping for.

can I join this thread I’m in the exact same position. Not sure if I’ll be more disappointed if he doesn’t message or if he does. Either way I need to resist the urge!

Yes I stayed strong

I acknowledged the seductive things that would call me back

and then imagined the relationship in the cold light of day!

do that last bit and yes it will go south very quick if you return

It’s the time of year!

sentimental

If your ex really loved you, he would be doing the work on itself to make deep change to attitudes and behaviors that contributed to your split.

Talk's cheap.

That goes for you too. You have a pattern, you say he's like your other ex. What are you doing to break that cycle that you seem to be in?

It’s the attachment you miss not the person. If he was particularly bad you may be trauma bonded.
If he’s done the work to recognise his behaviour and make changes and he wants you back, he’ll be in touch. For most that never happens and they move onto the next person, treating them exactly the same.
If you get in contact you’ll be back on the same merry go round which won’t help you.
Instead of wallowing in nostalgia where you’re probably only remembering the good bits, keep yourself busy and these urges pass. Time also helps.

He got back in touch.
A relationship is on the cards, but he says there's some things he wants to agree first and has asked me to make sure have worked out what I want first, too.

Today I am so tired. I feel numb and exhausted and cant find the energy to do anything. It would be easy to throw away everything right now so I guess the answer is not to make any decisions while im feeling like this, just as much as I shouldn't when I am lonely and longing for a relationship.

Well that lasted about as long as it deserved to considering he was threatening suicide if things went awry again.
Im such a muppet.
Don't follow my example. Stay no contact.

Block and delete from everything op