XP has asked for my help with reducing his penalty for speeding - what would you do?

[Twoddle]

XP was recently caught doing 96mph in a 60mph limit, overtaking a lorry on a straight, quiet road.

He has been told he will be given either points on his licence or a 21-day ban. His lawyer has suggested that if I write to the Magistrates, explaining how XP won't be able to take DS (4) to his usual haunts, and that it's important post-separation that life is consistent for DS ... XP may be able to avoid the ban.

I'm feeling torn. XP and I separated amidst a flurry of irresponsible behaviour on his part - infidelity, a new smoking habit, increased light drug use, speeding (120mph in a 60mph limit, which wasn't clocked). Part of me feels that, finally, there may be consequences for XP (which there haven't been many of in his "golden boy" life as a whole), and that it's right that he is not bailed out.

On the other hand, after six months of bitter hostility and resentment on my part, I have in recent weeks found a level of forgiveness and compassion I didn't think I was capable of. With XP and I getting along so much better, life for DS has been happier too, and I don't want to rock the boat by not helping XP. However, this approach - writing to the Magistrates - has a distinct codependent whiff about it, doesn't it?

Incidentally, I don't think it would adversely affect DS if he couldn't be driven about by Dad for three weeks: he lives locally, there are taxis, and I could do the odd drop-off.

So would you help your XP (or anyone, really) in this situation? I've told XP I'm thinking about it.

TIA

He wouldn't drive that fast with his ds in the car, but he;d quite happily kill someone else's child I suppose.

No way.

Sounds as if he should be getting a longer ban. Lets hope he does decide driving so ridiculously over the speed limit isn't worth it. (I suspect it's too much to ask him to realise the potential consequences of his actions, but he may not want to get banned again).

I have e-mailed him back (he asked me via e-mail), saying no, calmly and rationally.

Thank you all for your posts.

x

Who told him that his ban would only be 21 days? For that amount over the speed limit, he could be banned for up to 56 days and be fined quite heavily.

Well, let's hope, Freckle. They'd be a lesson in that, wouldn't there? I'd love for them to send him to one of those sensible driving, learn-the-risks-of-speeding workshops. That might do it.

I would be tempted to write to the magistrate but tell the truth - "a ban might be inconvenient but not impossible to deal with, yer honour". Unless it goes via xh solicitors of course.

Nope. For all the reasons of his previous behaviour and for the sake of your dc and the general public who could have been involved in an accident like this.

I'm from a rural area and always hated those drivers that needed to overtake despite me being in the oncoming traffic. Sometimes I avoided collisions only by stepping on the brakes or swerving.

Your ex needs to be taught a lesson. Please stick with your answer of 'no'.

If I were you I'd personally report him for drug taking, etc. What a tosser.

96mph in a 60mph limit ???

No way on earth would I help someone who'd done that. 96mph is well over the maximum speed limit on any road.

I'd tell him to fark off.

He was speeding, not you.

I assume that you were not in the car goading him on?

I assume that this person is, in fact, and adult?

He needs to take responsibility for his own actions

No way.
What if someone had been coming the other way? Speeders have a devastating effect on other peoples lives - the point of the ban, surely, is to keep him off the road for a bit and to make him consider his driving behaviour.
Write to the solicitor and say - the 21 day ban would be inconvenient and disruptive to his life, so please make it longer so he learns his lesson and stops putting other's lives at risk with his habitual speeding.