Feeling unhappy with life and my partner.

[Cradlemadle]

I feel incredibly lonely writing this, and I’m not looking for advice, just a space where others could share there own stories to make me feel less isolated.

I have been in a relationship for a couple of years, he was supposed to propose this year, promises he still will, but the day is yet to come. This has made me feel pretty worthless. It’s stopped me from being able to plan my future. I never feel completely settled. And even worse, it makes me feel as though I’m not worthy of such commitment.

I spent some time away abroad and mentally prepared myself to leave him. During this time, and for the first time in years whilst away, I felt truly happy, independent, free, excited about life and about love. I started to romanticise what life would be like with someone else. Someone who I felt was truly committed to me - who would plan dates, make thoughtful gestures, listen to me more, someone into health, gym, meditation - stuff/ hobbies I do not share with my partner. Someone who wouldn’t blink an eye about marrying me.

I returned home and slowly fell back into old habits. Slopping on the sofa, avoiding gym, feeling numb and depressed. I guess the realisation of “this is it, this is your life” has kicked back in. I again started to feel codependent on him, like my
happiness depended on him and his presence.

I feel like I’m in limbo. Neither here or there. Being away made me fall back in love with life, with the idea that maybe there is something bigger and better out there, maybe someone more compatible who would jump at the chance of being with me.

I really love my partner, he is a very good man. We’ve come through a lot. But his hesitation in proposing has made me question my own happiness. I am mid 30’s and worried if I don’t do something about this, I will be doomed to a life of sadness.

I don’t feel like I get everything I need from him anymore. But I sadly love him too much to walk away. Could this be an itch or just depression. I feel like I am losing my mind.

Happy away from him. Miserable close to him.

You don’t want advice but mine is be happy, which means leaving.

And the ‘I love him too much’ thing? No, love is necessary but not sufficient for a relationship. It’s something you need but it’s not even close to the whole of what you need. Walk away.

It's been two(?) years, and already you say you're happier away from him.
You're a better you away from him. Possibly a better you in a different country.

Your worth is not in any way tied to anyone's view of you. Someone else's actions cannot dictate your worth. But that you feel that they can, and that being with him makes you feel bad - that's not something I think you should want the rest of your life to be.

There's someone much better for you out there, please don't settle.

I think it's neither an itch, nor depression - the "depression" is your physical body trying to tell you, without words and in the only way it can, that this isn't right for you and you need to move on.

Being married won't fix a failing relationship. Not being married doesn't matter in a good relationship, especially only 2 years in and no kids involved.

Sorry, it’s been 5 years with this person

End the relationship if you arent happy then. Its pointless to carry on if you don't want to be with him. I have been with my partner nearly 14 years. No plans to marry. (Been there, got the decree absolute and never again). But we have a happy solid relationship. Maybe he doesn't want to be married, it honest doesn't mean he loves you any less.

If you really wanted to marry this man why haven’t you asked him? I am confused though if you went away and could visualise a nice, happy life without him what makes you think ‘you love him too much too walk away?’

He clearly isn’t the man for you, you are just settling!! Is that what you really want?

You are not the right people for each other, don’t waste any more time with him. Read up on sunk cost fallacy, don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’ll stay with him for longer because you’ve already spent five years with him, those years have gone now.

'I really love my partner, he is a very good man. ' He probably is but you're not right for each other.

This is only your life if you allow it to be and settle for the wrong man.

Your worth is not linked to having a ring on your finger and a man in your bed.

Married or not this relationship isn’t fulfilling a need on you and wasting more good years flogging a dead horse is wasting your one and only precious life.

You're clearly upset that he has promised to ask you to marry him; which is like the strangest promise ever... if you want him to marry you so badly why didn't you just ask him?

Anywho, I'd say your happiness and self worth shouldn't be tied to someone marrying you or not. I take it he is otherwise committed to you? Do you live together? Maybe try resolving how you feel with some counselling... but if you found being away from him made you feel so much better I'm guessing something else is going on in your relationship you haven't described?

I think you need to look at this decision purely as a choice between being with him or being on your own. If you are unhappy with him, but feel at peace when you’re alone, that has to be what guides you.

You’ve mentioned imagining that there might be someone better out there for you, someone more thoughtful, who plans dates, makes an effort, and wants to commit. I think it’s important to set those thoughts aside. There is no guarantee that everyone finds that person, and holding onto that hope risks tying your happiness to someone who doesn’t yet exist. In doing so, you become dependent on an idea rather than on what is real.

The truth is, not everyone finds their “person.” So if you leave, it should be because this relationship isn’t right for you, not because you’re expecting someone better to come along. Learn to be content on your own, to be comfortable with who you are, and to walk away because this isn’t the life you want long-term. Then, whatever comes next, you’ll be able to accept it