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Original poster

Seperating - Any solicitor advice?

16 replies

lucyanne1988 · 23/12/2025 13:19

Hi so me and my partner have 3 kids together and a house (mortgage). He has a drug problem it pops up now and again but i'm sick of it now I want out it's causing me too much damage. Anyway he won't go quietly - believe me. I just wondered though, if he does eventually leave and stay at his dads until September 2026 when we can sell the house, would I get help paying the mortgage myself? Or is he still to pay half? It's a joint mortgage so i'm guessing he will. However if he refuses to - what kind of action will be taken? Can I take him to court if he doesn't actually live in the house anymore? For the record i'm a stay at home mum and carer to autistic daughter so will 100% not be able to afford everything on my own once he goes. I'm not also, leaving my home with my children

OP posts:
Upsetbetty · 23/12/2025 13:24

You will need to get a solicitor

BadgernTheGarden · 23/12/2025 13:31

You may have to move somewhere cheaper. He's going to want his own place or will be paying his dad rent, running two households is more expensive than one. I think a joint mortgage means you are both equally liable not that you each pay half, if he's not living there and is paying to live somewhere else he might not be able to afford his half. Why can't you sell until Sept next year?

MissMoneyFairy · 23/12/2025 13:46

Can you both agree to selling the house sooner, what would you take him to court for?

TallulahBetty · 23/12/2025 14:10

The house needs to be sold if neither of you can buy the other out. You need legal advice asap

JohnofWessex · 23/12/2025 14:13

The liability for the mortgage is Joint and Several so if it isnt paid you are both on the hook for it

JohnofWessex · 23/12/2025 14:14

Does your autistic daughter get Disability Living Allowance - and of she does yo can ger Carers Allowance

TallulahBetty · 23/12/2025 14:15

And yes, there is no 'your half' or 'his half' of the mortgage - you are BOTH liable for the whole amount.

Original poster
lucyanne1988 · 23/12/2025 14:22

Hi sorry not sure how to reply to people? So legally we can't sell the house until Sep 2026. That was the agreement with our lender (3 years mortgage payments before being able to sell). So in the meantime, if my partner moves out, I just wanted to see if anyone on here has any previous experience. E.g we are both tied to joint mortgage yes? And if he then refuses to pay his half what then? Court? I can't pay for the full £800 myself once we seperate after Xmas. Does he have rights, do I have rights? That's why I was also wondering if there would be help for me as a single parent/carer of 3 children living on my own. I have reached out to 3 local solicitors who currently aren't offering a free consultation (which is all I want right now I need facts). I will try others in the new year.

OP posts:
Upsetbetty · 23/12/2025 14:28

Honestly, if you can’t afford to pay it by yourself, I wouldn’t do anything until you either have a job or have gotten the right advice from a solicitor. If you force him to move out and he doesn’t pay for it taking him to court is gonna cost you just as much money if not more than just doing the separation properly through a Solicitor. What do you think your plan would be in terms of custody of the children? Will he want to see them? Will he get to see them? The starting point is usually 50-50. You may be expected to get a job! I have no idea though of your circumstances, which is why you need to see a Solicitor.

TallulahBetty · 23/12/2025 14:31

lucyanne1988 · 23/12/2025 14:22

Hi sorry not sure how to reply to people? So legally we can't sell the house until Sep 2026. That was the agreement with our lender (3 years mortgage payments before being able to sell). So in the meantime, if my partner moves out, I just wanted to see if anyone on here has any previous experience. E.g we are both tied to joint mortgage yes? And if he then refuses to pay his half what then? Court? I can't pay for the full £800 myself once we seperate after Xmas. Does he have rights, do I have rights? That's why I was also wondering if there would be help for me as a single parent/carer of 3 children living on my own. I have reached out to 3 local solicitors who currently aren't offering a free consultation (which is all I want right now I need facts). I will try others in the new year.

Rights for what? You have no more rights over the house than he does. If you cannot afford the mortgage yourself, and he stops paying, the house will eventually be repossessed. Much better for you to put the house on the market and you both pay it until it sells.

You also need to decide on custody for the kids - whoever has them more nights will have child maintenance from the other, plus child benefit. You might need to look at working, at least PT.

Buscake · 23/12/2025 14:33

I’m single parent to 3 (2 with SEN). My ex doesn’t pay anything towards the mortgage and nothing I can do about that. Only pays me the minimum CMS calculation. Do you work? You may be able to claim UC

summervile · 23/12/2025 14:36

Taking him to court will cost far more than you paying the mortgage yourself for the next 9 months - that’s if he refuses to contribute.

He also can’t be forced to move out if he chooses not to.

There isn’t a your half and his half as far as the mortgage company is concerned, you’re jointly liable. They won’t care who hasn’t paid “their half”.

If he’s not willing or able to pay half of the mortgage until next September you would either have to pay it yourself, or you’d need to get a solicitor, which would likely cost more than the repayments.

Your best bet would be reshuffling the house so you and he have separate bedrooms and attempt to cohabit until you can sell. You’d then be entitled to 50% of the equity each.

Original poster
lucyanne1988 · 23/12/2025 14:51

Buscake · 23/12/2025 14:33

I’m single parent to 3 (2 with SEN). My ex doesn’t pay anything towards the mortgage and nothing I can do about that. Only pays me the minimum CMS calculation. Do you work? You may be able to claim UC

How is there nothing you can do about that? So he isn't legally obligated to pay towards a joint mortgage? Where ever else he is?

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyanne1988 · 23/12/2025 14:56

JohnofWessex · 23/12/2025 14:13

The liability for the mortgage is Joint and Several so if it isnt paid you are both on the hook for it

Ah I see so if he decides to not pay for it, it's on me! Ok thanks for that. I genuinely didn't know. I thought if I were to say to the lender he has moved out and it's just me paying that he would be liable for half aswell no matter where he is! Honestly didn't know the ins and out as we just dived into it when I was very pregant and very ill. So basically they don't care who pays as long as it's getting paid. Ok. I will figure a way to pay it with work etc

OP posts:
MissMoneyFairy · 23/12/2025 15:04

For you to pay it on your own he'd have to agree to move out and take his name off the mortgage unless you just pay it and it stays in with your names, you might be able to claim uc. If he doesn't move out then what would you plan on doing. If you both agree you stay in the house can you extend the mortgage so you pay less or buy him out.

Upsetbetty · 23/12/2025 15:09

@lucyanne1988 yes if the mortgage is 800 and you pay 400 you can’t say “that’s my half”…theoretically it’s no one’s half…it’s just half. They will still chase you for the rest.

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