My dad prefers my sibling over me and it's so bloody hurtful

[MrWimbleofWombleville]

Even though I do so much more for my parents than my sister ever has and yet she is always the golden girl.

Does anyone else have this family dynamic? How do you cope with the hurt?

Not quite the same in my case. I needed to accept that there was nothing I could do to alter my mother's behaviour, the only thing I could change was how I reacted to it.

It hurts. But since stepping back and going NC/LC it's like a mental weight has been lifted.

Look after yourself, and put yourself first.

What makes you think that. Are you sure it’s not just a perception

Yes my DF has always preferred DB. Despite DB rarely visiting & keeping it short. He even only stayed 12 hours after DF had a terrible accident & came only because I couldn't promise DF would survive. He visited DF for 30 minutes. Yet he's coming boxing day for 36 hours & DF will be all over him, ignoring me. I don't even get a hello when I visit.

DM has changed her mind after DF's accident & her eyes were finally opened after a lifetime of preferring DB.

I cope by shutting it off. I don't bother trying anymore & he gets nothing from me. His loss.

Why do you continue to do things for them?

@MrWimbleofWombleville Search on here for the latest Stately Homes thread. You will find your peers there.

This happens in a lot of families OP. Unfortunately.

Not that it makes it any the less painful for you.

I had this in my own family and I wish I had gone no contact with them many many years before I did.

I know it's easy for me to say but don"'t let his perception of you define you. Know your own self worth.
And you have done nothing wrong. The fault lies with him for not seeing how lucky he is to have you and all you do for him.

Sadly not. It's always been the way and no matter what I do for my parents my dad will always favour my sister for reasons I do not understand. I have been with my DH since we were 16 and he has always seen it. My now 20 and 17 year old DC also comment on it.

I'm sorry you are in a similar position. I need to change mindset over it too.

Because my mum was (is) lovely and she was the best mother anyone could wish for. She is now in advancing stages of dementia. I do it all for her.

Thank you. I will go over and take a look.

Thank you, my DH tells me much the same.

Yep, except I'm the one who does everything while Golden Child DD is LC with them. If she ever deigns to get in touch, it's like Xmas/birthday/Mardi Gras rolled into one as far as my parents are concerned. 🙄

My parents both have the same job and my sister followed them into it. Me and my brother did medicine instead. I started Med school in 2008. My Mum to this day will mention multiple times per year about how we let our parents down and she didn't.

Just take it for what it is. I have a favourite friend. They have a favourite kid. Who cares f them !

But I do care, a lot. I don't have favourite people, I like all my friends equally as they are all different and I certainly don't favour one child over the other. I love both my children unconditionally and equally.

I can't take the I don't give a toss attitude because it really hurts to know my dad favours my sibling.

@MrWimbleofWombleville same here. I wish it would hurt less as I get older, but it doesn't

And to those who assume it must be 'perception' and a victim mentality - its an open secret in my family and noted by friends & visitors.

I cope by limiting my exposure to the difficult situations and by making plans for myself around them - especially now at Christmas. I have a couple of close friends I can confide in when needed and I remind myself it's a Him Problem.

He will sometimes complain that he doesn't know much about my life but I'm not sure what he expects when he never shows any interest and ignores me when I try to share with him.