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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I f***ed up

42 replies

Mumoftwo654 · 22/12/2025 22:50

Hi all. So I’m judging myself a huge amount atm. I don’t know what to do. I was out with a bunch of friends the other night. Sooooo drunk. Drunker than I’ve been in forever. When a friend and I left the pub, I walked out saw a guy, and bafflingly said to him “you know, you’re very attractive” and then carried on walking home with my friend. He was a lot younger. I’m 41. I’d hazard a guess that he was in his early 20s.. it’s not as though I wanted anything to happen at all.. I feel like I just made an observation and wanted to compliment him in my drunk state.. I compliment everyone when I’m drunk.. but I so wished I hadn’t said it. I am happily married with two kids. My husband is a devoted dream. He would never say anything like this to a lady. I am so wracked with guilt I don’t know what to do with myself. I haven’t said anything because I feel like it would ruin him. He would not take it as nothing. He has been cheated on in the past by an ex. I’m so so stressed as we have no secrets and I honestly felt like i didn’t mean anything by it.. but I did say it and I’m not sure what to do!
please help!

OP posts:

FetchezLaVache · 22/12/2025 22:54

You were drunk and you paid a stranger a compliment. Sounds like the stranger took it in the spirit it was intended. Don't beat yourself up.

...however, I'm a bit concerned about the way you feel your husband would react, that he wouldn't see it as nothing and you mention his having been cheated on before. Is he sometimes a touch possessive over you?

1983Louise · 22/12/2025 22:56

You haven't really done anything wrong, I thought you were going to say you'd shagged him in an entry. He's probably laughing with his mates that some pissed up.old bird said he was good looking.

wineosaurusrex · 22/12/2025 22:56

This is such a non-issue! You just gave a drunken compliment. Its not like you shagged the guy!

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/12/2025 22:57

You compliment everyone when drunk. You complimented him. And you kept walking so (weird as it was) it wasn’t threatening, provocative or stalking.

Your emotional conflict with feeling about your DH is extreme. Which either means you have some combination or rejection sensitivity and hangxiety or your DH is a controlling weirdo. Or both.

PashaMinaMio · 22/12/2025 22:59

Let time pass. Bottle it. Devote yourself to DH & family over the holiday and by the time 2026 kicks in the memory will have faded & you’ll have half forgotten about it. No harm done so stop burdening yourself with guilt.

Don’t ever get that drunk again. (Silly woman.)You clearly can’t handle the consequences. Lesson learned.

Fends · 22/12/2025 22:59

Erm. Non issue

SwedishEdith · 22/12/2025 23:01

You don't have to do anything. And the "we have no secrets" bit is weird. It's okay to have private thoughts. In this case, you happened to say it out loud but absolutely no harm has been done.

Pancakeflipper · 22/12/2025 23:01

I think you are being very dramatic.
You were drunk. You expressed your drunken opinion and walked away.

I can understand you thinking "silly me" and cringing abit. But to be "wracked with guilt" and it "ruin" your husband. Very extreme.
Is your husband very controlling ?

thismummyslife · 22/12/2025 23:05

Oh I wouldn’t even worry about it! Xx

shuggles · 22/12/2025 23:06

@Mumoftwo654 Seems like a non-issue. But either way, it's not a nice thing to say. Either:

(1) The guy actually is attractive, which isn't good because you telling him he's attractive will make him think you're actually interested, and then he will inevitably be disappointed if he finds out that you're not.

(2) The guy is ugly and you were being ironic. This will make him feel like shit.

So regardless of whether it's (1) or (2), it probably made him feel worse.

TwistedWonder · 22/12/2025 23:10

You paid a drunken compliment to a random passer by - you didn’t have a knee trembler in Tesco car park.

Ita a complete non issue. There’s barely a person alive who hasn’t said drunken shit to a random and cringed the next day but we all laugh it off.

More concerning us how scared you are if you DH reason - that’s worrying that he’s controlling regally

Original poster

Mumoftwo654 · 22/12/2025 23:12

Thanks for the dose of perspective everyone. It definitely wasn’t a sensible thing to say. He was attractive. I saw him, thought that and said it.. to him! Totally daft as hell. I do feel incredibly guilty about it for some reason. I think I have to work out why maybe. I know it would be really bad for my hubby to hear what I did. I don’t think he’s controlling. He has very strong morals and he thinks I’m great. Maybe that’s why I feel so bad
I need to have a think about everything.. and I think I might quit the booze while I’m at it!

OP posts:

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 22/12/2025 23:12

Its a total non-event.

A lot of people in happy relationships would do this sober...

LuxuryWoman2020 · 22/12/2025 23:16

What do you mean you don't know what to do? You forget this utterly minor comment you made while three sheets to the wind.

You'll never see this young nan again most likely and you didn't exchange fluids or numbers. Give yourself a shake and forget it.

I've told loads of people they're gorgeous when I've had a few, men and women. It's just a passing comment not a declaration of passion.

Mayflower282 · 22/12/2025 23:17

Look at it this way….Imagine if that compliment had really given that man the emotional lift he needed, what if he was super depressed, suicides increase over the Xmas and new year period. You may have inadvertently saved someone’s life!

Sohelpmegod25 · 22/12/2025 23:17

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 22/12/2025 23:12

Its a total non-event.

A lot of people in happy relationships would do this sober...

Edited

Exactly this
stop worrying

KimHwn · 22/12/2025 23:18

I don't think it's the end of the world, but if it was my husband saying this to a much younger women when he was pissed, it would give me the ick to be honest.

summitfever · 22/12/2025 23:20

You have a classic case of beer fear mate. Give it a few days you’ll realise you’re being a bit hysterical

YourAquaLion · 22/12/2025 23:24

I wud say something like this in front of my DH! And sober! It’s totally fine! Very sweet that you’re sweating so much over it and yes your DH might not be so cool with it because he has previous, but don’t tell him, forget about it, you were just being nice to a young person. I bet it made their day!

Delphiniumandlupins · 22/12/2025 23:34

I think the young man was probably not offended. In future, try not to say out loud what you're thinking, even when you've had a drink. Now forget it and stop catastrophising. You don't need to tell your DH, just don't do it again.

Original poster

Mumoftwo654 · 22/12/2025 23:40

Thank you all so much. I know it seems ridiculous but I’ve been struggling to look my man in the eye. I’ve been having palpitations and all sorts. I’m going to just tell myself to calm the hell down and move on.. and obviously I won’t be so daft again!
thank you xxxx

OP posts:

Elmspringwater · 22/12/2025 23:57

What have you done wrong WAIT NOTHING.

You gave a drunk compliment you didnt fuck him.
I do the same but im never drunk when i do it, and i dont give a toss.

Look at it this way he`s not on MN making a thread about how offended he is, or how he cant go out at night, in fear of women saying things to him ect ect.
I mean if this was aMnetter she would have been shaking with fear and offended, and how disgusting he was to say such things and put her off of going out for a year.
Then come back on MN aweek later to ask why men have not interest in her.
Get what im saying.😁

I bet he took that compliment with a smile i would have, well i would have said oh really thank you, and got on with my life.

IHate · 23/12/2025 00:17

Mumoftwo654 · 22/12/2025 23:40

It does seem ridiculous, yes.

Do you have anxiety? Is your relationship abusive? As something is clearly amiss, here. Your reaction to this complete non-event is not normal.

Thewookiemustgo · 23/12/2025 00:25

You saw an attractive guy and because you were drunk, what you were thinking came out of your mouth. Sober, you’d never do it. You weren’t hitting on him or intending to do anything, it was a daft drunken observation and nothing more.
Intention is everything OP and I can read here that never in this world would you intend to wrong your husband. Your regret and remorse are massive, even for a tiny remark when drunk like this, it says everything about your loyalty and high personal standards so believe me, you have nothing to feel bad about or guilty about, it was a passing observation unfiltered because alcohol removes inhibition, that’s all. You did nothing wrong.
When you have a great partner it’s understandable that you’d feel so bad, but not it’s truly not deserved at all, you had a few too many and lost a filter or two and who hasn’t? Be nice to yourself and be aware what drunk you can let slip so that you know what to avoid next time. When I was younger there wasn’t much you could dare very drunk me to do that I wouldn’t at least attempt. I was aware what I was like so cut back when I was with my more lairy friends to avoid injury/ a mortifying awakening the next day.
You love your husband and care deeply for him, so you shouldn’t feel guilty about a minor embarrassment as your intentions towards him are nothing but good.

NigelForage · 23/12/2025 00:27

Christ OP. Get a grip. You're married, not brain-dead

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