Struggling with my marriage

[ByMerryEagle]

Feeling really low as we approach Christmas time and not sure what to do.

I married my SO ten years ago, during that time we’ve had our own son but he also has a daughter from a previous relationship. His daughter has special needs so requires full time care and after many difficult years her mum entered a new relationship and moved away, deciding she didn’t want to live with her anymore. We took her in full time and she has really thrived, finally happy at home for the past 3 years. After we suffered years of abuse from her bio mum, I asked my SO not to contact her anymore. His daughter is 19, old enough to contact her mum and her mum doesn’t visit her so no logistics to arrange. I found out through one of my family members that my SO has been calling his ex recently to discuss matters unrelated to his daughter.

I have been struggling with our relationship anyway, my SO has been really unsupportive since having our child telling everyone how tired he is (despite not doing a single night feed). He is also really insulting about me to others, barely helps around the house and isn’t at all loving. When I asked him about talking to his ex he just stormed off and is now angry with me.

He is a good dad but often criticises my parenting towards my step daughter despite us having a good and loving relationship. I just feel stuck, I want to make our family work but I feel so downbeat.

A good dad would not insult their childs mum, that is a fact.

You have taken on quite a bit by the sounds of things but how would you feel if your DH was a complete stranger treating you like that? Would you still accept it? If a friend of yours came to you with these issues, what would your advise be?

A important part of being a good dad is being a role model for your son.

Being lazy, cold hearted and insulting wife/mother is not being a good role model.

How old is your son, and why do you want to make your ‘family work’ while your husband seems not to? Think also about the example you are setting your step daughter. If she was in a similar situation would you suggest she stays?

Women in poor relationships often write the good dad comment when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man.

Why are you so invested in making this work?. It’s beyond repair because he is abusive. He has a problem with anger,YOUR anger when you call him out on his behaviour. Do not stay in such a marriage for the supposed sake of the child; your son won’t thank you for doing so. And nor will your step daughter.

He insults your parenting and insults you to others? This would be enough for me to leave, never mind the contact with his ex. You deserve better than this! Honestly, you shouldn't stay and put up with his behaviour. You can have a happy life without him.