Apologies in advance for the length of this.
I have been with my fiancé for approx 8 years now. Both between 30-35. In the start it was amazing, that undeniable can’t keep your hands off each other spark. This lasted for a few years.
Fast forward a little and a medical problem took intimacy off the cards for a while. Not an issue, presumed everything would go back to normal however, it hasn’t. He refuses to get checked and sort this, meaning he’s now in pain fairly often throughout the year. Around this time he also got a job working from home which resulted in him doing very little and struggling to sleep. Intimacy is off the cards and we no longer sleep together because he’s not tired and I wake him making noises as I sleep. I’ve brought up many times over the years that this upsets me and I feel like we’re house mates not in a relationship and he says will work on it, and he does for a short period then it goes right back to normal. I keep thinking the situation will change, he will get a new job and change, he will stop being in pain etc etc.
Fast forward to now. I ended up being a bit flirty with a guy at work. Nothing has happened and also never would. He lives miles away, this isn’t about him, but the flirting has made me remember what it used to be like with my fiancé. Now I am questioning everything and wondering if I’ve continually made excuses for my fiancé.
He never wants to go out, says his favourite thing is staying in with me (which means him on his games) and me watching or upstairs. Not what I’d call quality time but worded to make me feel bad complaining. He “doesn’t understand” date nights. If we go out it’s always with other friends, never just us.
He used to make me feel incredible, I’ve told him I miss compliments, but still nothing. He made next to no effort for my last birthday. We’ve been engaged nearly 2 years and have yet to book a single thing for the wedding. We have half planned it but never quite booked anything. Not sure if that a subconscious decision by me, but he hasn’t pushed or cared too much. I do all the life admin - bills, shopping, washing, cleaning. His help to the house is to cook which he’s also started doing less and less.
I don’t know if I’m blinded by the idea of a bit of fun flirting or if I’ve actually being lying to myself for years. The idea of leaving after so long is so scary but I don’t know if it’s what’s right.
Opinions please.