Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it over?

6 replies

Happyduck77 · 22/12/2025 15:07

After an emotionally abusive marriage I started to date again and met a lovely guy about a year ago. It's remained a fairly casual relationship but I certainly had strong feelings which grew. The last time we saw each other, it was lovely as usual, but I had been wanting a bit of reassurance that everything was OK as we hadn't labelled anything, he hadn't met my kids (my choice) but I just wanted to not keep things a secret and be sure that I was in a relationship. There wasn't anyone else involved. He had recently lost a parent and it brought him that I wasn't fully integrated into his life, or him mine. I had never asked where i stood previously. He eventually answered me to say he just had a lot going on at the moment sorry. Then hasn’t been in touch since. I did send another message to ask how he was doing and clearly state that I would like to keep seeing him once things calmed down - this has been read but not responded too. He is grieving but after a year together surely that's no way to leave things? It seems so jekyll and Hyde compared to the type of person he was when we were together. I'm in the middle of some major stuff in my life too and he knows this, so to leave me hanging is pretty devastating. We're in our late 40's so you expect a bit more awareness from people. Have I really misjudged his character that much? I'm blaming myself here

OP posts:
Jooleshop · 22/12/2025 15:22

Hi Happy Duck,
Sorry, but it does sound like it's over.
Men can have a relationship with very little emotional connection, where as women tend to get more attached once we start sleeping with someone.
I think it's important to ask early if you are exclusive or seeing each other?
Maybe he thought this was just a booty call... Friends with benefits?
I'm sorry you are hurting... Sending you a big hug 🫂

Happyduck77 · 22/12/2025 15:28

Jooleshop · 22/12/2025 15:22

Hi Happy Duck,
Sorry, but it does sound like it's over.
Men can have a relationship with very little emotional connection, where as women tend to get more attached once we start sleeping with someone.
I think it's important to ask early if you are exclusive or seeing each other?
Maybe he thought this was just a booty call... Friends with benefits?
I'm sorry you are hurting... Sending you a big hug 🫂

Thanks, I thought as much. Can't believe I've been so stupid. My ex husband used to ignore my messages so it's been a massive trigger for me to end like this. Inwas very careful with this guy and he was in touch every single day and shared details about everything. I did say to him at the start, I just don't want to be used as infept like that in my marriage. So strange that he can cuddle you all night and then go ice cold

OP posts:
Brightbluesomething · 22/12/2025 15:33

You had a lot of replies on your other thread telling you this is over. I think you need to find a way to accept this. He has ghosted you and doesn’t want a relationship.

Jooleshop · 22/12/2025 15:37

So sorry, he just wasn't the one!
Some men can completely go through all the motions but ultimately they don't want to have a serious relationship.
Do nice things for yourself and enjoy your Christmas with your wonderful children 💓

Happyduck77 · 22/12/2025 15:39

Brightbluesomething · 22/12/2025 15:33

You had a lot of replies on your other thread telling you this is over. I think you need to find a way to accept this. He has ghosted you and doesn’t want a relationship.

Thanks, I know, I'm really struggling tho. Hence why I've come back on. My mental health is pretty much rock bottom and this has just tipped me over the edge. I can't believe I've been such a poor judge of character

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 22/12/2025 18:44

Sorry OP but I think you and him saw casual as very different things.

Your feelings may have grown into something more but doesn’t sound like he feels the same and maybe you pushing him for an answer as to what this is has made him retreat as he doesn’t want more.

I think you really have to accept this wasn’t what you wanted it to be. I don’t think you’ve been a poor judge of character, you just developed feelings and he didn’t.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page