Illness and sympathy

[SereneOchreStork]

What is your experience with being ill and receiving a token bit of sympathy?

I’m not wanting to wallow! Myself and DH have been ill all week. He was off work, I just carried on as best as I could, but today I got really miffed that PIL contacted DH to check on him but not me. When I asked he said he’d not mentioned to them I was ill so why would they ask?!

DH’s fine and went out on his Christmas do on Friday, meanwhile I’ve been running the show all week whilst still working and now I’m really quite acutely poorly with quinsy. Today I had to take myself to the out of hours doc and to collect my prescription. No text while I was there, checking on me. No offer to come along.

Would you expect DH to mention you were also ill? Would you expect DH to be sympathetic? Hugs? Accompany to the docs? Just interested to know what others experience!

I have a brilliant DD (5) who keeps giving me hugs and tells me “I’m here for you” which she must have got from me 🥺 but I don’t want to be in a situation where I rely on DC for what a DH “should” provide

Why would you need anyone with you to collect your prescription? Couldnt the chemist deliver ? If I was ill I wouldn't want anyone to keep hugging me. You sound very needy tbh.

I am waited on hand and foot when I am ill, which is often as I’m disabled. Husband picks up prescriptions and makes sure I am well stocked with cups of tea and love

It’s Sunday so the pharmacy I had to use was the only one open, on the other side of town, so they’re definitely not going to deliver. I managed. One of the symptoms of quinsy is not being able to talk properly though, so it was a bit of a struggle at the doctors especially
I wouldn’t say I was needy. I’ve managed just fine looking after 2 kids, walking the dog all week and going to work whilst ill. I was just asking what others experience

Agree 100%

I think it's nice to receive some acknowledgement, occasional sympathy and some help if needed. Would your dh step in if you down tooled when poorly, or be begrudging?

I want to feel cared about if I'm ill so yanbu.

I’ve been floored with Covid this week, which as a single parent is difficult. My mum has been super helpful and brought food round and done an extra school run for me, and my neighbour said to let them know if I need anything. Other than that, nothing. Haven’t heard from exh at all, he doesn’t give a shit if I’m well enough to look after his kids or not. I could be in hospital and he’d just say he was busy and unavailable. All my friends are busy pre Christmas I guess. It’s quite lonely.

So what did he do to contribute to daily family life when he was off work? As you’ve just kept juggling the plates whilst being unwell yourself? You’ve ended up pushing yourself so hard that you have developed quinsy, so sod the PPs. Him being back to full health after you’ve run yourself ragged that you’ve ended up being even more poorly then yes, he should be checking in and trying to help you considering he got his time to recover and has forced you into getting worse with lack of help and compassion. He’s taken his time to get well and completely disregarded your illness that has now advanced further which could have been avoided. He’s a completely selfish arse. He’s let you down as per any selfish man would and when he should be supporting your more serious ill health, not that he’d even understand that it came about because while ill you were up and carrying on! You’re not needy! He’s a complete bastard! I would expect him to be taking care of you especially now it’s got to this point. It’s his time to step up!

Of course it's nice to have someone who takes care of you when you're ill.
But the greatest gift my husband can give me when I'm not feeling well, is keeping the house in order, the children clean and fed, and things moving as normal.
The worst thing for me is to come back into the living room after being ill and seeing a weeks worth of clutter, dishes, no food in the pantry, ... That just feels like being punished really. Fortunately that hasn't happened in years.

So i suppose I don't need as much coddling myself as I need him to take over my roles. That's also a way to take care of someone.

not The point of the post but if you have quinsy you need hospital treatment - only iv antibiotics will get rid of it. I’ve had it three times and each one was a hospital job.

My exH used to be actively quite annoyed / angry when I was unwell and would huff around grudgingly helping with stuff. My DP now is the complete opposite - I’m laid up in bed today with a bit of a lurgy and he cannot do more for me - treating me with love and care, bringing me toast and tea and cold/flu tablets, insisting I rest, seeing to our cats (we don’t have kids), tidying up, going to the shop etc - but that’s who he is generally anyway, a lovely good human. You should expect some kindness and empathy from someone who purports to love you!

@SereneOchreStork I think you're asking because you know you would have been sympathetic and concerned. Nothing wrong with wanting to be looked after or minded when you're unwell.

I would hope that your husband is too busy recovering and catching up to ask if you need anything because otherwise, yes, it does seem thoughtless of him.

Even my exH checks on me and delivers medication to the house when I am ill. And partner and sons are also great.

Hugs from me, OP, glad your sweet daughter is there for you. Feel better soon!

Quinsy is utterly shit, get well soon

I remember having to hike to the gp and pharamcist with a toddler in tow. Couldn’t swallow my own spit it was so swollen so had to balance a spit cup on the buggy handles.

I’ve learnt to not expect any sympathy from anyone!