Coping with good friend who is in a bubble

[Arghwhattodo]

Hi all,

I’m feeling a bit drained and could use some perspective. Recently, I went through a breakup and was let go from a high-paying job. I never really said what I was earning to friends because a few of them were on similar and also who cares.

Meanwhile, my friend can’t stop talking about her job… her new promotion, how much she earns (loads and loads apparently), how amazing she is at work, and how everything is perfect.

She also keeps insisting that she and her partner will definitely get engaged one day, even though he’s been stalling for ages and even wanted to break up earlier this year. She seems completely in denial about the reality but is obsessed with the future “perfect life.”

It’s exhausting listening to constant bragging about money and career achievements while she completely ignores any complications in her relationship. Especially when I’m not like that and it feels insensitive with where I’m at in life. I want to be supportive, but I also feel a bit invisible and frustrated.

Has anyone else dealt with a friend who seems to live in a fantasy world about their life and refuses to acknowledge reality? How do you stay supportive without constantly feeling annoyed?
Thanks in advance.

I don’t. I step away and don’t pander to them.

Either smile, nod and ignore… or distance yourself.

She never stops! It’s doubly annoying because I used to earn very well and never went on about it, not once. And now she’s talking about she told her partner and her parents how much her new salary was and they were completely shocked and then she asked for significantly more and got it, and they almost fell of their chairs…

I would have to ask if she'd realised how insensitive she's being

I would distance myself as she’s tactless and insensitive. If you don’t want to do that, I’d haul her up on it.

She's allowed to be happy about her circumstances - it just so happens that they jar with yours right now. You are not the only person she is extrapolating to but you have interpreted it as a 'problem' you feel compelled to fix. Don't take it so personally.

Regarding her relationship, you may be right in that she's kidding herself...but remember she knows far more about it than you do. You don't have to enlighten her...it will all play out as it will.

the issue is that I’ve not been tactless when I’ve had good fortune and she’s being incredibly so

It's probably better for you to dial back from this friendship for a bit, while your prospective outlook just doesn't flow with hers.
There's nothing wrong with either of you. Life simply doesn't always occur in tandem with a friend.

@pictoosh thats true but she’s been telling me ever since they got together a decade ago about all of their arguments etc and how she’s desperate for a proposal. It’s like watching a car crash play out

Kindly, what of it?

Apart from anything else she sounds really boring! Who talks about work that much when they're with their friends?

Think of the rhyme, friends for a reason/season/lifetime. Does she really add much to your life? If not this will be the perfect excuse to back off.

Sounds like she places more value on money and status than friendship. I’d personally go low contact for a while and if she asks about it say Christmas is/was tough this year due to xyz and you need time to think things through and plan next steps. If she presses you can say you don’t have the capacity to support her while she navigates the devastating reality of people not believing how much she earns or waiting on Prince Charming to propose.

She is excited about the new role. When she has mentioned it do you change the subject or just meekly make noises and allow her to go on and on?

How old is she that she has already wasted ten years on this man? Do they live together? Do they have kids?

We're all at different stages of understanding and perspective about life. Your friend is at the stage of loving her life and wanting everyone to know it.

You're at a different stage in your understanding, which is that it's dickish to go on and on about how much you earn and how amazing everything is. Your perspective is to keep it to yourself because the alternative is crass and irritating to others.

you've either got to accept where your friend is and thank your lucky stars that you aren't like her. Or you say something and risk her either ignoring you or getting the 'ump and flouncing. Or you distance yourself or go Low Contact and limit your exposure.

the trouble is you'll come across people like your friend because they're everywhere. They are socially inept and lack emotional intelligence. They're all over social media with their photos of their dinner by Lake Como and their perfect family in matching pj's.

your other option is to immunise your own response and recognise you're happy in your skin and don't need to regale others with your successes. Aka give fewer fucks,