I have been with my partner for 11 years when we first he came at a time when i was so down and he saved me and made me feel so happy we went and did things, he made me laugh, he listened to me, he didnt judge me and it felt so right we like the same things. I have children with my ex and he has children with his ex. He never made much effort with my kids it wasnt his fault because my kids would go to their dads every weekend so he only saw mine a few times a week and not for long as he would only come evening time. I did get on with his kids but we fell out and I haven't seen or spoke to them for years.
I noticed in the beginning he made money a big issue always saying he didnt have any money and he was always skint..this meant that if we wanted to do something i would always have to pay..he has never taken me away, or taken me out, never treated me, never brought anything for my kids, never helped me out financially at all in the whole 11 years in the beginning i didnt care because i felt happy but now its wearing me down. He stopped listening to me..if I wanted to talk about how i feel he would shut me down and say its all in my head and im making it up and he has done nothing wrong etc. So i stopped saying how i felt.
11 yers later and i am still paying for everything we do..he never includes my kids if he says to me for example lets go to London for the day he never suggests the kids come along its like he never even thinks of them. It was my 40th this year and he did nothing for my birthday at all which made me feel so sad, infact my mum and dad booked a meal for me and my mum got me a cake but he just came along for the free meal. When it was his 40th i took him away for 5 days. Slowly over the 11 years i have changed, the things that used to make me laugh i dont find funny anymore, things irritate me about me that never used to. We have gone from seeing eachother 3-4 times a week to just once a week but i like it, when we go out and do things I feel drained, his evergy drains me. I cant say how i feel to him because he shuts me down and blames me. I couldn't imagine living with him (but i dont think i could live with anyone because i like my own space) when we go out and do things I dont really enjoy it anymore. He doesnt make amy effort and I guess i dont either. I make excuses not to sleep with him because i dont have that connection anymore and i need that to feel turned on. Im so sad writing this because he saved me when i was at my lowest and in some ways hes good for me, i trust him and i find it hard to trust, i feel safe around him, we have the same interests, he does sometimes help me out if i need my garden done or something but sometimes I get empty promises. Maybe my tick boxes have changed..11 years ago I just wanted to feel happy but now i want to be with someone who spends time with my kids, who listens to me and not shut me down, i want to be romanced, i want security. Im scared if i end things I will be making a mistake but i know im not happy and what we have is more of a friendship at the moment. I dont want to be alone i dont have any friends and im not getting any younger.