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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The prospect of losing a friend

2 replies

Elixir86 · 21/12/2025 12:42

This is really more about friendship. I’m leaving my job and I feel a mix of excitement and fear, which I know is completely normal. I’m sad to be leaving behind some incredible people, and as with previous jobs, I hope I’ll stay in touch with a few for coffees, drinks, or meals.

There’s one person in particular who I think will leave a real gap, and he happens to be a guy. The thing is, I don’t have any male friends, none at all. When I was married, I’d chat to my ex-husband’s friends at parties, but they weren’t really interested in me as a person; they were just there because of him.

This guy, though, actually talks to me because he wants to, not because he’s dating someone I know or feels obliged. I'd say we are strictly work friends. We only message occasionally outside of work if it’s about something we’ve already been discussing, and we don’t socialise beyond work events, but we have a lot of deep chats at work about things we are going through personally. Because our friendship exists between those work walls, it feels inevitable that once I leave, we’ll lose touch, and I’ll lose that male friendship altogether.

It might sound a bit silly, but having always had an entirely female friendship group, it’s been really nice to have a bloke to laugh with, talk rubbish with, and get a different perspective from. It would probably feel awkward to tell him just how much I’ll miss what we’ve had over the past few years, though he does know I’ll miss him.

I guess what I’m really wondering is: is this normal? Am I the only person who only has female friends? And how do you even make male friends outside of work? It feels like those friendships don’t always continue unless you’re seeing each other regularly

OP posts:
PineappleGrape · 21/12/2025 12:46

I can relate to this. I’ve had two male work friends (different jobs, years apart) that I considered my best work friend and who I really enjoyed spending time with. But when I left those roles the friendships ended, because it was just too weird to attempt a normal out-of-work friendship with a man. One of my pals was married, the other was single, and neither way makes it any less weird! It’s sad.

Elixir86 · 21/12/2025 13:17

PineappleGrape · 21/12/2025 12:46

I can relate to this. I’ve had two male work friends (different jobs, years apart) that I considered my best work friend and who I really enjoyed spending time with. But when I left those roles the friendships ended, because it was just too weird to attempt a normal out-of-work friendship with a man. One of my pals was married, the other was single, and neither way makes it any less weird! It’s sad.

Exactly this.
He is happily in a relationship so definitely think that unless we were already outside work friends, it would be weird to start to message more when i leave. Not because I'm a threat as his partner knows about me and the things we talk about as I know he chats to her about it.

I find males generally aren't known for being great communicators so they need to see you to chat. I feel we have a real laugh, and losing his friendship is probably the worst thing about leaving. I know the females I'm friends with at work will still stay in touch so although I won't see them every day, I know a friendship will still exist. Him, I'll lose completely.

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