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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like dh only finds his voice around me

2 replies

ballethippo · 21/12/2025 09:27

me and dh are going through a rough patch. Whenever something happens that needs defending he says things like ‘I didn’t realise, or I didn’t hear you’ etc things like if his mum puts me down and we’re together, we’ll get in the car after and I’ll say why didn’t you say something, he’ll say oh I didn’t hear mum say that or I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way.

but if I do something like today he magically finds his voice.
we’re on holiday now and I said I’m sick of my dc putting their dirty pants on my suitcase, this was after finding them earlier and asking dc to put them where they need to be . I threw the pants on the floor.

Dh said to me to pick them up in a stern voice. He then stared at me and loudly said pick them up immediately as if I’m 3 yo.
i said no I’m fed up with it, he then said he put them there because they were in his way and if I don’t ’allow Dc pants on my suitcase then he’s not allowing me to put anything anywhere near his stuff’
it felt like a bizarre conversation tbh. I then asked dc to pick up their pants off the floor and dh said no you should pick them up you put them there.

I feel like if he doesn’t find his voice anywhere else except for me (and this includes for our dc) that it just leaves me feeling ridiculous. We were supposed to be going out but I didn’t want to after that. They’ve gone out and I know he’s thinking I’m ‘suffering’ now as they’re having a nice day. Wondering if to just go somewhere else and enjoy my day anyway. Feel so down about it all. Not sure why I’m posting. Maybe to see if we’re all just being silly or if I should expect more than this. If dh spoke to others like he does me I wouldn’t be so insulted but he only speaks to me this way.

OP posts:
Talltreesbythelake · 21/12/2025 09:29

He is being a twat. Go out and have a lovely day by yourself. Where are you and what sort of things are available?

ballethippo · 21/12/2025 09:39

We are up a mountain and they’ve gone skiing, I don’t ski.
Also noticed since I posted that I packed a bag for water and dc snacks and when he realised I’m not coming to carry the bag around while they ski, it got dumped by the door, so now dc have no water even though he could have taken his backpack as he has done before. Think I am going to go to a different part of the mountain now and melt the snow with my annoyance!

OP posts:
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