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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm so depressed being single at 48

9 replies

WolfWolfieWolf · 19/12/2025 21:26

20+ yrs marriage
Abusive
Better out of it yes
But now
Looking at the dating world
Being past my best looks wise (I'm healthy, slim, not grotesque but not my best)
It's just so damn lonely
I'm a tactile human
I liked having a person to cuddle and sleep with, it regulated my neurodiversity

The online dating (shudder)
The desperate work colleagues with so much baggage looking for a carer ...nor again

But it feels so forward bleak
Christmas not helping
Everyone busy with partners etc

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 19/12/2025 21:30

Yes. It’s not always easy to say ‘I prefer being in a relationship’ as we’re all supposed to love being single. But if you look around, people like pairing up.

I met dp at 51 after having been widowed for 3 years. We’re very happy. (OLD, sorry).

As for Christmas… put the word out. Drop in briefly to a few people maybe?

Mullaghanish · 19/12/2025 21:31

Christmas is one day. Then it’s over, loads of people work it anyway.. and then Spring is coming!! Don’t bother focusing whether you’re in a relationship or not.. get outside and enjoy the weather and outdoors.. join the ramblers.. go wild swimming.. craft club anything..

Octavia64 · 19/12/2025 21:34

Get a cat.

I have three that way one is always around when I want a cuddle.

WolfWolfieWolf · 19/12/2025 21:39

I have 2 cats
They are lovely

I will do lots of long walks.
I'll listen to positive stories of finding happiness again
Thank you
I was just feeling low

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 19/12/2025 21:41

Mullaghanish · 19/12/2025 21:31

Christmas is one day. Then it’s over, loads of people work it anyway.. and then Spring is coming!! Don’t bother focusing whether you’re in a relationship or not.. get outside and enjoy the weather and outdoors.. join the ramblers.. go wild swimming.. craft club anything..

This is really good advice. Or volunteer at Crisis or Samaritans.

Get a weighted blanket for sleep, do some heavy weights and restorative yoga. No it's not the same as sharing a bed but that's not always everything it's cracked up to be.

Have you made your sleep space really gorgeous and inviting?

TightlyLacedCorset · 19/12/2025 21:50

WolfWolfieWolf · 19/12/2025 21:26

20+ yrs marriage
Abusive
Better out of it yes
But now
Looking at the dating world
Being past my best looks wise (I'm healthy, slim, not grotesque but not my best)
It's just so damn lonely
I'm a tactile human
I liked having a person to cuddle and sleep with, it regulated my neurodiversity

The online dating (shudder)
The desperate work colleagues with so much baggage looking for a carer ...nor again

But it feels so forward bleak
Christmas not helping
Everyone busy with partners etc

Being past my best looks wise (I'm healthy, slim, not grotesque but not my best)

I do believe we have auras that we self-consciously project. Right now you are being so down on yourself and a bit of a downer (don't get me wrong it is totally understandable, but it doesn't help) that decent available men will just not even take notice.

So you're not in your fresh, vibrant looks phrase anymore.

Well neither are the men. And when you reach a certain age looks are no longer be all anyway, well it shouldn't be. Those hot looks in youth, coupled with a lack of life experience draw to us a lot of insincere men who can exploit us.

I draw a lot and so I observe people in life and whilst out and about, and it's interesting to me that you have women who are radiant and pulling attention from men all their lives and some women who don't. What is the difference? I've speculated on this and I think it's that those women never think of themselves as old and they work on projecting positive energy. I do not mean the toxic positivity type of energy, I mean the grateful to be alive type. And if you have your health whilst being an older woman, that is something to be very grateful for also. I was chronically ill in my 30s and never achieved that 40s best years thing. You say you are healthy and fit. Get out and about and talk, especially to the opposite sex. A lot of women are very bad at it for societal reasons and of course the risks of attracting bad attention, but join clubs, also activities that you wouldn't normally do so you can diversify your pool and talk to male acquaintances.

If you can overcome the downsides of being lonely and project happiness in your own skin, try new things, project a spirit of gratitude, make yourself open and approachable, you will meet men. Trust me.

It works for me and I'm not even interested due to my health.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 19/12/2025 22:31

I was in your position at 47. Met my DP and am happily partnered up - over four years now. OLD, I'm afraid, but I was only online for a few weeks, but had two dates with very decent blokes in that time. If you have a strong bullshit radar you will be able to weed the non starters out. Good luck!

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 19/12/2025 23:25

Good Lord. You forgot to celebrate all the things you are good at.
I honestly felt sad reading your self depreciating post.
You should be so proud that you removed yourself from such a terrible relationship. Your brave and courageous.

~DO NOT look at the dating world. You re not ready, You need to love yourself first. Get counselling. Most people struggle with the dating world without the issues you are coping with.

Good luck

Anonanonanonagain · 20/12/2025 09:17

I was single for around 12 years decided to get back out there. Ended up with a total twat for 2 years and honestly I am happier now than I ever have been. I am your age and not disgusting looking but not young anymore but a lot to offer a man. My issue is none of them have anything that remotely I want. I am now too independent to even bother looking to be honest.

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