Can’t stand being around / sex w hubby!

[SugarSpice2020]

That’s basically it.. after 9 years of marriage & 1 child, realisation has dawned we’re very different & have nearly zero in common. Can’t stand sex with him anymore - even being around him makes me feel withdrawn & irritable usually! He’s finally left for work so now I can relax ;). He’s not at all a bad person & I wasn’t sure why I kept feeling so distant / antagonistic. Sex aversion here I guess is a result of emotional distance. Chat GBT has apparently been helpful as it says the body often reacts before the mind has processed thoughts..

Anyway, anyone feel similar & what did you do, if separation wasn’t possible at the time? How to get around not wanting to sleep in same bed, let alone anything else?! When one partner wants to, & other doesn’t (& that makes the relationship worse) I’m not sure how to proceed…I just can’t seem to stop being irritated by him.

thx for any advice or stories!

The fairest thing you can do to him is leave and let him start a new life with someone who cares about him. Neither of you benefit from you sticking around in a loveless marriage that repulses you

There's no real solution to this other than to separate or be honest with him. He (naturally) wants to have sex with you. It's an important part of marriage and unless abstenance is mutually desired, it will be a constant issue. I mean, you can keep making excuses or lying but that will become exhausting. You say he's not a bad man so have you tried counselling or do you think it's beyond trying?

No option but to separate.

Why is separation not possible?

I felt like this at the 5 year mark, and stayed for another 4, unfortunately.

We talked about it and, to my relief, he felt the same about me! We split on good terms and both found our right partner afterwards.

How old is your child and are you breastfeeding by any chance?

I married my best friend after being widowed for about 12 years. Such a mistake!! It turned out that he was only looking for a housekeeper. When I put t to him he didn't deny it.

So reader, I divorced him.

5 years later found a wonderful man who only wants the best for me. Helps that he's a chef who had his own businesses.

Boy did I luck out as it worked out very well for me & DH as we love the very bones of each other.

DH & me continue to have houses opposite each other which means that on on the odd occasion that we fall out we can piss off to our own home to cool off. But it rarely comes to that .

Op if you feel this way leave

Sometimes me and dh have gone without sex for a month but never felt like this

We got divorced.

You could make a massive effort to overcome those feeling and see if your original love and respect for him is hidden underneath the whole baggage of modern life. At some point you may need to discuss this, do you think he feels the same? Does he need to rekindle the love and desire too? if you don’t do this you may always question if you gave it your all.

If none of the above works then it’s only fair to both if you to divorce.

Do not stay together for your child, because of finance etc. I did exactly that and cannot recommend it on any level.

You must invest in your irritations, and work them out one step at a time. I would admit its alot easier said than done.

If you feel this level of hostility then you must go. It is not fair on him otherwise.

You can’t stay married to someone who you look forward to leaving for work. That’s no way to live for either of you.

Even if you are hugely religious, separation can’t be impossible.