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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he married, separated, how to tell?

14 replies

Seenthisfilmbefore · 18/12/2025 10:29

Okay, firstly, I need to say I'm not a shameless harlot, and I do respect the sanctity of marriage. I'm not asking for advice on leading a married man astray, so please, no judgment on that.

There is a man who, from the outside, seems to basically fancy me a bit and shows it. Or that's what I'd think if it were my friend describing his actions to me anyway.
He works somewhere I visit as a customer on a very regular basis and over this year, he's gone from polite chat (him - "how are you", me -"I'm fine thanks, you?" and that's about it) but also hovering, always making a point to speak to me whenever I'm around, speaking more than once per visit (going away and coming back), to seemingly looking for me when I walk in and making eye contact when I'm still over 10 feet away then holding it, waiting for me with his back to his work, little comments about being useful - and all of this has been initiated by him while I'm basically ignoring him - I'm polite and answer briefly if he asks how I am, but I don't elaborate or encourage conversation, just get on with what I'm doing and then leave.
We're now at the point where he's walked with me a little bit after I've already said goodbye and started to leave, and he continues the conversation a bit. I've had compliments (just ones like you're a lovely person), light arm touches as a goodbye, standing closer than necessary, things like that.

I was sure he fancied me and was trying to work out whether I felt the same.

Then recently I spotted a ring on his wedding ring finger, so alarm bells rang.
However, on slightly closer inspection, it's not a traditional wedding band. I won't go into details, but it's a ring that can be used for marriage, but also is a normal type of ring.

So... either he's married, which is my default assumption, or he's widowed/separated/it's not a wedding ring and it just happens to be worn on that finger. He does have a couple of rings on his other hand too and he's an older gentleman so I'm not sure if that makes a difference to anything.

I've never been so sure someone likes me, only to discover a ring! Oh and he's not like a big flirt either. He's reserved, quiet, doesn't banter with colleagues etc.

I'm assuming he's married anyway but if you were me, would you try and find out, or maybe just actually have a conversation and see if he gives anything away?

Just to reassure everyone, I've never flirted. In fact, if anything I come across as closed, guarded and he keeps trying to open conversational doors and I politely shut them again, which might be a reason he hasn't given up any personal information yet...

OP posts:
Purlant · 18/12/2025 10:35

I’m not really getting flirty vibes here. It sounds like a normal interaction with a customer (a lot of firms go out of their way to make the customer feel special). It doesnt even seem like he’s going overboard in that respect either. Personally I wouldn’t take this as they fancy me (maybe I just comment contact with very friendly people so I don’t think this different to the norm!).

I think if he’s wearing a ring in his wedding finger, it’s a safe assumption that he’s married.

Piggled · 18/12/2025 11:20

Never known a man to wear a ring on their wedding ring finger if they’re not married. They don’t even like wearing them when they are…

Seenthisfilmbefore · 18/12/2025 11:37

Purlant · 18/12/2025 10:35

I’m not really getting flirty vibes here. It sounds like a normal interaction with a customer (a lot of firms go out of their way to make the customer feel special). It doesnt even seem like he’s going overboard in that respect either. Personally I wouldn’t take this as they fancy me (maybe I just comment contact with very friendly people so I don’t think this different to the norm!).

I think if he’s wearing a ring in his wedding finger, it’s a safe assumption that he’s married.

I am being deliberately vague but it's way more than I've described here and he's not like it with anyone else. His whole demeanour changes when I'm around and I'm basically ignoring him while he's standing right next to me the whole time, trying to engage me in conversation and then following me until I leave the section. It's hard to explain without being outing. Not hung that couldn't be construed as friendly but trust me, if I had husband who had shown as much consistent initiation and interest with a woman for an entire year even when she's not engaging and has actually ended the conversation but he carries on, I'd be annoyed.

I use the self scanner bit too so never even need help yet he ignores the other customers and hones in on me every time. And just...stands there.

But I agree with the other poster - my assumption is he's married but I think he's only been working there this year, he's told me his work schedule and it's rammed, so it also fitted a...potentially newly seperated man.

Plus he has other rings on his other hand so he is a ring person anyway (as opposed to most men ime)

OP posts:
harlemshake · 18/12/2025 11:39

simple - you do chat to him , you can simply ask this question to him in conversation.

I cannot see how it would be hard to be direct or just say, oh you must have a lovely wife because you are a nice man

OrlandointheWilderness · 18/12/2025 11:52

He’s married. There is 0% chance he’s wearing a ring on that finger if he isn’t. might be widowed I suppose but it’s more likely that he isn’t.

OneShyQuail · 18/12/2025 13:12

Ask him?!

Catza · 18/12/2025 13:35

OK. I am hearing a lot about what he is doing that makes you think he fancies you. What I am not hearing is any indication that you fancy him. So do you? If not, then it doesn't really matter what his marital status is. If you do then did you fancy him before you clocked he is flirting with you or only after? Asking because I've felt this way about someone before and, on reflection, he wasn't even remotely a person I would want to go out with. I was just flattered that he was paying me attention which was a very strong sign for me that I had some emotional work to do before dipping my toe back into a dating pool.

impulsive25 · 18/12/2025 13:50

Ask him about the rings he is wearing - if they are from family etc…

What kind of ring is it? A signet ring, an eternity band?

Endofyear · 18/12/2025 17:43

I'd assume he's married and behave accordingly - i.e. polite and friendly but not flirty.

SirChenjins · 18/12/2025 17:50

It sounds like he enjoys your company a lot and doing more than just normal customer service stuff. If he wore multiple rings on both hands then it could just be a ring, but if that's the only ring on his left hand he'll be married - or possibly widowed. The only way to be certain is to ask him - can you ask him what he and his partner have got planned for Christmas, something like that?

CuriousDisposition · 18/12/2025 17:53

If he's wearing a ring on that finger then he's married. Wedding rings aren't all traditional gold bands. Don't encourage him any more, you say you're not but men don't flirt unless they get SOMETHING back. A flirting married man is a lech not a catch.

impulsive25 · 18/12/2025 20:46

SirChenjins · 18/12/2025 17:50

It sounds like he enjoys your company a lot and doing more than just normal customer service stuff. If he wore multiple rings on both hands then it could just be a ring, but if that's the only ring on his left hand he'll be married - or possibly widowed. The only way to be certain is to ask him - can you ask him what he and his partner have got planned for Christmas, something like that?

Edited

^ this

it’s a perfect moment to ask what he is doing for Xmas, you can even ask if he is spending it with his own family, kids or in-laws. What would be a v personal question is pretty standard small talk here

Zanatdy · 18/12/2025 20:53

Most likely married, though yes could be widowed.

Gymbunny2025 · 18/12/2025 22:43

If you like him too (do you? Can’t tell!) have more in depth conversations with him rather than just being polite. Then you can easily ask about family/wife etc.

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