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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship end and UC

3 replies

Lostintheprocess · 18/12/2025 09:23

Hi all

I hope you are all well I'm after some advice if anyone would be able to help please but was not sure whether this should be in finances or relationship threads?

I am anticipating the end of my 11 year relationship within the next few months as I can feel its coming to ahead (after DMV, Emotional abuse, Love bombing and lies/ lack of consideration etc) and need some information on what I can do when it comes to financial support.

I work 30hours a week and take home a net pay of £1656 a month and have 1 child - who has roughly £150 pounds worth of creche fees per month on average.
I will receive roughly £250pm child maintenance
£104 child benefit
I have a mortgaged house and am in no debt with priority bills and am not looking to pay only interest on my mortgage and will continue as I am paying for it per month (repayment)
I' m not married but my soon to be exs parents do pay me £150 a month for creche costs which will stop once we finish as I couldn't expect them to keep paying for it
I have used the entitled to website and not sure how accurate it is if I'm honest and would just like some help on what I can receive once we do in fact split as I need to make sure I'm budgeting correctly for me and my daughter.

The relationship has been at an "end" for a long while and as those of you who have been there before something just keeps you in it and I'm not sure if its the financial pull or trauma bonding, but I just need to prepare - I know its a rough time for my daughter when it comes to us thinking of separating as its around Xmas but I have gone too long thinking it will improve with someone who uses me as an after thought with everything so I need to make plans.

I know this post is a bit long winded but if anyone would be able to possibly help me with working out what I may be entitled to then it will allow for me to plan more accurately
I appreciate your time reading this and any help I can get from this site, and support I shall happily receive

Yours truly

OP posts:
IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 18/12/2025 13:25

Why wouldn’t her grandparents carry on paying for nursery? She is still their granddaughter after all.

harlemshake · 18/12/2025 13:43

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 18/12/2025 13:25

Why wouldn’t her grandparents carry on paying for nursery? She is still their granddaughter after all.

i think they did it to allow OP to work but after this she is no longer their son's partner. Assuming as per

Lostintheprocess · 18/12/2025 14:12

harlemshake · 18/12/2025 13:43

i think they did it to allow OP to work but after this she is no longer their son's partner. Assuming as per

Yea I guess its just an assumption to be honest - I mean they are tidy non official in laws but not sure I would feel right asking for money for creche from them when i am not with their son anymore - it could be that they want to carry on paying for it which is fine by me but still - i have to think of all eventualities - the atmosphere between me and my so called other half is frosty at the moment i am not thinking straight.

I see a counsellor a few times a month and she has advised i make no decision making until after xmas - which i can see her reasoning for it but i don't know if i can make it until then. My head knows i need to leave but my heart wont let go cos its in love with a " what could be" relationship

I lost my mam 12 years ago and she was my back bone with this stuff and now i feel lost as its my first relationship iv had breakdown since she passed away so in a terrible emotional place right now - he needs to go but his abusive ways reels me back in again when he says " im sorry ill be better and show you" i know its rubbish but why cant i go ?

OP posts:
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