Husband initiates contact with lady!

[hollysway]

My husband has clients he does business with and many of them are long term clients who he keeps friendly with in a lighthearted way by text.
A few years back he went out one day with one of married clients on his own. I found out and it was not a good reaction from him but we sorted things and stayed together and have been good. He was going to leave me after I confronted him about this.
He still does business with this particular client as well as many others both female and male.
Something bothering me and I don’t know if I’m over paranoid but a couple of times recently I have noticed he has initiated a message to her asking about for example
how’s the dog doing now
did you enjoy so and so
are you still watching that series
or are you back from holiday
There are no hearts, romantic answers, kisses just shortish chat but it bothers me that ‘he initiates’ contact as these are times when it’s not about work. It’s not every day maybe once a week but I don’t see why this is necessary.
She appears happily married.
Am I overthinking as I feel irritated by this and slightly annoyed and anxious as he knew how bad i felt when I found out about what occurred years ago. I think it’s ok to go out with a group but not on your own if not work related.
For context I looked on his messages to find this which I know is wrong. Don’t tell me off. Just want advice and opinions as don’t want to be worried or overthinking this but why contact someone when you at home and not to do with work?

What do you mean that he went out one day with a married client? Did they have business lunch or go to an evening social event not related to work & we’re drinking etc.

So this is the same client that he went out with on his own and he's messaging her every week? Sounds like he's got the hots for her. I won't tell you off for checking his phone OP. A wife needs to know if her DH is shitting on her from a great height.

Does he contact any of his other clients with similar chat? If so I would think it's just networking, but if it's only her you have to wonder why the differnce

A meal in a restaurant in the day but didn’t mention to me. Put in our joint calendar names of other clients so I looked at it thinking he was with them but he was in restaurant. If he had gone out with a group or told me he was having a meal with a client to discuss business I would not have had a problem. It was that he lied about his whereabouts in the shared calendar and when I confronted him when I found out HE was going to leave. It was a very traumatic time for me as I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong.

See update just now

Not sure with other clients about phone chat but as far as I am aware does not go to meals on own with them. Has been in a group.

The fact he was going to leave you because you asked about his date with this woman when it happened years ago is very telling. He should have been reassuring you, but instead went ott because he obviously didn't want you asking questions about his relationship with this woman.

His messages indicate they have a very close relationship. That he feels the need to cover up his meetings with her and is being devious about her would indicate she is much much more than a business client.

You are very right to be worried OP.

Yeah I think he crossed a boundary back then and I don’t mind clients as that is his business and I don’t mind meals but as long as it is open. It’s the hiding of that situation which was a h… f…
I feel now in view of how devastated I was (and he is fully aware of that) and as he said when I found out he didn’t want to be with me anymore. This went on for a week and it was so unexpected as we are like best friends, together along time, do things together I was so shocked I am now surprised he is doing little texts asking how was her holiday
are you watching this etc
It really bothers me again and now I have that horrible anxiety feeling in my stomach.
Cant say anything as should not have seen texts.

I feel sad.

I think the messages by themselves sound innocuous but given the context, and lack of trust (both because he has lied in the past but also because you are looking at his messages, presumably without his consent), this is something that you need to address. Not the messages to this client per se, but the lack of trust and what you can do to rebuild it.

Yes definitely but it’s hard and I should not look at his phone but hyper vigilance is horrible after feeling trauma from almost being left after years together.

Personally OP i think you should talk to him again about this woman. You need to tell him you know he has been meeting up with her and messaging her.If you have to tell him you have seen the messages so be it. Unless you are physically frightened of his reaction of course. But honestly a relationship without trust is never going to be a happy one.

Is he such a prize?

He hasn’t met up with her recently only for work but it’s the random messages asking about things outside work business. No kisses or hearts but still bothers me. One day we were on a day off together and watching tv and he had asked her on that day if she was watching the same programme.
It felt like he was thinking of what’s she doing when with me.

Not If he starts to show interest elsewhere but it is hard.
Something feels different in last couple of months. Can’t put my finger on it.
Hes present in body but not sure if in mind? Not sure if I am paranoid now.
I lost so much confidence from past and now mentally a shell of who I once was. I feel anxiety a lot of time. Not much conversation or interest in what I say. He’s not horrible but just not that enthusiastic about what I say. Only time he perks up more if if I am very quiet. His main focus at home is watching TV and utube. He seems to tell me things about what other people know and quite often I know the subject well but he has already got his information from one of his business clients who is very intelligent.

Just leave him then and find your own happiness.
You don’t like him, find him boring and don’t trust him.
So, take control of your life.