I can’t let go

[Wintertimenow]

An old friend passed away recently which really upset me, she was only 42. I passed the news on to someone who was best friends with her from 12 years old to 25 years old. This has triggered off old feelings for me.

My friend who passed away, at the time she had a fiancé of 2 years but he was cheating on her so the other friend broke the news to her. For some reason a few months later she goes and sleeps with our friend’s ex fiancé then tells her out of ‘guilt’. My friend was heartbroken and cut all ties with her. This woman says she felt guilty but says she knew him first and was interested in him first and was annoyed they got together. I don’t know why she did that to her best friend of 13 years. It seemed like revenge.

Myself and others had to cut ties with this woman in the end as she would just be downright nasty and insult us. Looking back we were young and naive and should have called her out on it sooner but it’s only nowadays people have made it more acceptable to not tolerate bad behaviour and teach people to speak up.

I feel really annoyed because the one who slept with the guy and treated us all badly she is getting on with life and has made lots of new friends in the last few years. I know a leopard never changes its spots because she was awful to me only 6 years ago before I cut ties just after. It upsets me she could treat her friends like dirt yet she wouldn’t treat or insult strangers the way she did to us. Even these new friends she is all chummy with but it seems like they are people who meet once a month for a social hobby so I guess she puts on the facade.

I just feel sad my friend who passed away was treated so badly by her best friend that way and has now gone and this other woman who has hurt her, myself and others gets away with treating people so badly. I don’t want this woman back in my life because of how bad she is but I can’t let go of this injustice and it’s getting me depressed.

My best friend died recently. She was smart, funny, a truly great human. There are so many people who only contribute negatively to society who could have died instead.

I think you need to disengage. Stop following / delete her on social media or however else it is you know that she has lots of friends and that she does a hobby with them. In future if anyone asks you to pass on news to her just say “Sarah and I haven’t been in touch for many years but you can probably find her on social media if you want to pass it on yourself.”

The universe doesn’t dish out “justice” because somebody wasn’t a good friend or slept with somebody else’s ex. Individuals have to do that themselves, by ending friendships and moving on themselves. You and your other mutual friend did that; it’s up to her newer friends to do so if they feel the same way.

Thank you both for your helpful advice. I suppose my friend passing away has triggered me but best to move forward and not focus on the toxic ex friend.