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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In-laws have no boundaries

55 replies

mommyandmore · 17/12/2025 08:10

Hi all,
Looking for some outside perspective as this still bothers me and I’m not sure if I should just let it go.

We had a very small wedding (35 guests) with only our nearest and dearest. It was meant to be a classy, elegant reception. My husband’s brothers (and niece) decided it would be “funny” to dress up as inflatable chickens and make an entrance during the reception. One of them even stood on a chair. They’d planned it in advance and hadn’t asked either of us — particularly not me. Apparently one had wanted to do it in the church but was stopped.

The music then went wrong while they tried to find the theme tune, which made the whole thing more awkward. On top of that, one brother gave a speech that went on for about 45 minutes, went completely off piste, and he’d had too much to drink. It was very uncomfortable for guests and honestly humiliating for me. I had to laugh it off at the time but was very upset.

Afterwards I was told they did it because my husband loved chicken run and because they thought the wedding might be “a bit dry” otherwise due to being small and having no entertainment. My guests were visibly shocked.

This fits a wider pattern of self-centred behaviour from them. We now have a child and have put some boundaries in place, and as a result we see them much less. They’ve more or less drifted away since we stopped bending over backwards. I can’t imagine them behaving this way at someone else’s wedding (especially now one brother is engaged).

My husband is fairly neutral — he doesn’t think it was great, but doesn’t feel as strongly as I do. I still feel embarrassed and angry, and I don’t think I’ve forgiven them.

So…
– Am I overreacting holding onto this?
– Was this as disrespectful as it felt, given the context?
– Or should I genuinely try to let it go?

Interested in honest opinions
Also I met with sister in law yesterday and gave her presents - beautiful candle and a big hamper for the family to enjoy. We were given a bottle of yellow tail Shiraz. As usually extravagant gift givers I think this speaks volumes.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 21/12/2025 05:51

Not sure why anyone would think the chicken thing would be a good idea.

PermanentTemporary · 21/12/2025 06:26

A difficult one. I don’t think people should hold onto lengthy grudges but I also think deliberately screwing up someone’s wedding day ‘for a laugh’ is asinine.

All I can say is that there is a longstanding breach in my family - I don’t and won’t speak to my BIL until he apologises and he I’m sure thinks he did nothing wrong - and it is incredibly damaging. My ds has essentially lost contact with a big chunk of his only family. That has implications for decades.

is it feasible to have an actual conversation with them about any of this? Probably the SILs? And if you did that, can you then forgive them?

arcticpandas · 21/12/2025 06:31

They sound quite unhinged tbh. I would probably have laughed though. I think your guests seem a bit upright.
Also, if you're husband is a wet lettuce so are you. I would have intervened in a jokey fashion and not let bil hijack my wedding with a 45 minute speech.

Pineappleice43 · 21/12/2025 09:19

Omg I would be so annoyed at them for doing that on your wedding day. Wtf. I'd have called them out on it. So selfish.

I would just not bother with them. Keep everything to a minimum.

HipHopDontYouStop · 21/12/2025 15:23

What a bunch of weirdos, not to mention arrogant, to do that on your wedding day.

seriously unfunny and dickish thing to do. Not to mention bizarre.

Keep away from them for sure. Cretins.

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