I’m 38F, my partner is 44M, together nearly 2 years. Our relationship is calm and comfortable. We get along well, spend most weekends together, have good chemistry, and support each other in daily life. He’s caring, helpful, and affectionate.
However, I feel increasingly unsure about the future of this relationship.
We don’t live together, and despite our age and time together, there’s been no clear progress or plan. Whenever I brought it up, he spoke vaguely about timing or “having a plan,” without specifics. He would be moving into mine (I own, he rents) and said if it was me moving in with him, we would have been lived together after first 6 months. But because it is my home, he was waiting for me to initiate. I did gently do that a few days later, only for him to change the subject.
I also struggle with feeling invisible. He’s never publicly acknowledged our relationship (no posts, photos, or status), while he was very open on social media with his ex.
When I express hurt or discomfort (e.g. about certain comments or behaviors), he tends to minimize it or say he doesn’t understand where I’m coming from. After serious conversation we had a few weeks ago, things quickly went back to normal without much follow-up.
He’s kind in everyday actions, but emotionally avoidant when it comes to commitment and future planning. I’m starting to wonder if I’m in a comfortable “here and now” relationship rather than a future-oriented one.
How do you tell the difference between someone who cares but is emotionally avoidant, and someone who’s simply comfortable and not fully invested in building a future together?