Child maintenance when their self employed..

[Herefornoww]

Just that really.

so I decided to go through CMS and it somehow works out ex partner earns £175 a week. I don’t know how this is possible he’s taken our children on 5 holidays abroad just this year, lives in and own multiple properties.

I just feel like giving up. I don’t know how to prove otherwise. He accidentally sent screenshots of his bank account information with tens of thousands in but that’s not going to be seen as proof is it? I think he pays himself in Dividends but he did not cooperate and HMRC have shared with CM that he’s on 9K a year. He’s just bougth another 6 bedroom property. I don’t understand it I don’t know what to do.

I have our children 70 percent of the time I work 6 days a week multiple different jobs I’m so burned out. I have to drive past his on the way to work and he’s got another new car.

People told me karma would come. He’s on bail and can’t come near me. ( he was abusive) he cheated, lied then harassed me for years after when he couldn’t accept I met someone. it never ends. Sorry I don’t know if I should waste metal energy or the up hill battle trying to prove otherwise or just drop it. What did anyone do in similar situations?

Similar position. Ex partner ex cop with a pension plus enhanced ill health pension. He is only assessed for CMS on the taxed bit which is tiny. I tried every appeal route possible. Grim.

I’m so sorry 😞 That’s where I am at I don’t know if it’s worth pursuing. He wanted to make sure I would have nothing and can’t seem to separate affecting my life from it also affecting our children’s.

How did you try to prove he had more?

I'm sorry you are going through this OP. When my exH left us I actually had a good idea of the money we had in the business as I used to do the bookkeeping. I also had faith that my FIL would ensure I got a fair deal financially - not that he had anything to do with the business but we got in very well personally and i o ow he was as furious with his son at the time. He didn't actually fold the business but he hid a lot of money. I found out there was a secret bank account and he lied on Form A (think that's the main one that you swear on an oath regarding - it's so long ago now my memory is vague). He would not have given a shit about lying in court or over a legal document - doesn't appear to have the ability to feel embarrassed or ashamed whatsoever, hence two year after we split and he started to live a life appearing to have very little (think selling Jaguar and driving round in a second hand people carrier). Also tried to remove me and kids from marital home - that was all I wanted at the time as I was emotionally ill with it all trying to deal with two babies at the same time. Day after the financials were finalised. he turns up in a brand new Aston Martin to collect the kids. He also paid himself by dividend. To have hired a forensic accountant would have been unaffordable to me the time and I had no mental energy to carry on at that point. Men who do this should be hung out to dry by the legal system. I ended up claiming Tax Credits to top up my meagre wage when he could have afforded to pay me twice as much as he was ordered to and more. More fool the politicians for allowing this to happen.

You need to ask the CMS to request an income variation assessment where they factor in the dividends. At the moment, HMRC will only show the PAYE amount and dividends are down as unearned income. This is clearly income but unless you request this, it doesn’t factor in. Hope this helps

Gosh that sounds so similar to my ex partner. We moved out the family home after he evicted us. That house is now empty but he can afford to keep it going on top of everything.

i have my youngest asleep on me at the moment and I just don’t get how these people can be this way. £8.50 a week.

I have legal aid as he was abusive and drew up documents stating I would have 50 percent of the family home which my solister is currently trying to go after but he lies and then it’s a constant having to prove otherwise and I don’t think I’ve got it in me anymore.

I don’t know how our children will grow up. He lives in homes that he top one percent experience in life. We’re in a council home now and I’ve spent months doing it up and feel very lucky but I wonder what having complete opposite lifestyles will do shape them growing up.

Thank you I can see on company house I believe that he currently takes 90 shares in his company and the ow he gave 10 to. I don’t understand reading these documents but when I ask for a variation do I need to show proof? I had one person from CM say they include dividends in the HMRC amount and one that wasn’t sure.

OP I gave up trying to fathom out how a 'human being' could be so cruel, to a wife they had 'loved' for 20+ years (you don't have IVF with your wife if you are ........ unhappy - which he professed he was 25 years later, the one and only time he ever mentioned what he had done to my DC) - the affair started when DS was 2 yrs and DD was 1. Without doubt, he had a midlife crisis (think starting to wear a Liam Gallagher bucket hat - never really into Oasis), and taking up running, when all he was doing was running to the OW's house, while I was sat pitying him for 'working late' again - in my head, for our own business, he was doing it all for "us" blah blah. I was clueless at that point. What I did find out, many years later, was that he was dabbling with cocaine. That would explain his explosive moods, and other aspects of what seemed like a total personality change, as he clearly couldn't handle the comedown from it. He was totally and utterly, vile. My solicitor (partner in the firm) commented that he had never encountered anyone as difficult in all his years of family law. (exH kept writing to him telling how to read 'Family Law' - except he was an engineer. (Actually, exH should have been a barrister - he always enjoyed a fight, always had to be right, and as he was super intelligent (not emotionally) he would have been paid handsomely arguing for a living). I'm not up on the most recent legal side of things but had ChatGPT and AI been around back then, I would have been researching every tiny detail to make sure I got what I deserved. You are really lucky to have obtained legal aid - that had stopped when I needed it. (My Ddad financed my whole divorce, with dignity. How that must have hurt when he had paid for our beautiful country wedding-he was not a millionaire, just earned a good salary by working hard and saving for such occasions for his family.) I 100% had the same worries as you - him living the high life and me becoming the boring, poor parent who had nothing, which terrified me in case the kids preferred him because of that. Roll on 25yrs OP, and if it's any reassurance, both my kids are thriving. I partly put this down to me having family who always supported me and kept saying however I felt they understood, but that I must put the children first. So I did, through gritted teeth co-parent with him. I didn't move away to the other side of the country after the divorce was finalised which I wanted to, as I couldn't bring myself to remove the kids from their dad. He threw money at them but wasn't an imaginative parent. I had a wider social group/friends and we often holidayed together. He always had to be equal to, or one better,, and it seemed he was actually a little paranoid about me being the more popular and better parent at times, so for example, if we went skiing (something he had zero interest in over his lifetime), he would insist on skiing a month later. My parents had a family holiday home, he bought one with his parents in the same county. When I (a lifetime animal lover) rescued a cat, he bought two kittens - never been interested in animals in his life and OW already had two of her own. I then got a dog. Same thing happened. As soon as it was mentioned, he got a dog - the dog he got happened to be the spitting image and breed of the dog I had had as a teenager, which he knew well. (His family had no pets). I then got a second dog. He got a second dog. Honestly it was PAINFUL - it's still winding me up now, writing this!!! So, going back to the kids; they are emotionally stable, high academic achievers, and in great jobs post Uni, and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. I did re marry - that didn't work out for very different reasons and we are still friends. I live alone now with my beloved dogs in my final home, but its in the countryside which I always wanted, and it's the most peaceful I have ever been, mentally, in my whole life. I'm so sorry this was long... but your story touched a nerve so I'll class it as therapy!! I wish you every ounce of strength moving though it all. You WILL find it and you WILL be happy again, never a truer word has been said than 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. (a good GP and a few medication don't go amiss either) ❤️