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Original poster

Struggling with moving on..

31 replies

LittleTulips · 15/12/2025 23:37

I’m feeling really sad that I haven’t been able to move on. I’m a single mum and I’ve been on my own for almost a decade. The kids don’t see their dad, so I don’t get any free time at all. Yes, I could spend a lot of money on babysitters, but the truth is I don’t have that kind of money, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to keep it up for the long period of time it would take before I felt comfortable introducing someone to my children. And honestly, even if money wasn’t an issue, I don’t like the idea of leaving them with someone I don’t really know.

All of my single mum friends seem to have moved forward new partners, new babies, some even remarried and here I am feeling like I’m stuck in the same place like I’m living in the past. My ex was the last person I kissed and the last person I slept with, and I hate that, nearly ten years later, he’s still the last. I haven’t even kissed another man in all that time.

I know I’ve moved on emotionally I don’t want to be with my ex but it feels like I haven’t moved on physically, and that makes me feel stuck. Has anyone else been in this situation? I’d really appreciate any words of wisdom.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleTulips · 16/12/2025 16:05

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 16/12/2025 15:38

But why though?

I'm not trying to say there's anything wrong with not wanting a casual relationship, I just want you to unpick your reasons a bit.

I get that you want a long term relationship, and to get married one day. But I think you'd agree that that's off the table for now, your circumstances don't allow it. You wouldn't have needed to start this thread if that wasn't the case.

So your options are either stay completely single, or just date casually for a while in the mean time. Neither are your preferred option, but why is cutting yourself off from dating completely the better option. If you can explain the reasons behind that to yourself, then you might at least be a bit happier about your current circumstances, it might feel like a choice rather than something you've had inflicted on you.

And for what its worth, the closest connection I've ever felt with someone (don't tell DP!) was in a relationship in my early 20s where we only saw each other for a day or so every couple of months because we lived on different sides of the country. There was no future in it, but there was nothing casual about it.

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Id honestly rather stay single which I have been doing

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleTulips · 16/12/2025 16:07

OneShyQuail · 16/12/2025 15:32

This is why im saying focus on the now, not the well if I did meet someone I cant do this and this.....if you dont have the capacity to be child free at the moment, then your time will come when its meant to.
By focusing on what other people around who were single parebts havd done it wont help you at all.
Focus on the now, being whole and complete without somebody, and when the time is right things will change

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Ive been single a decade so not early days for me but it is hard seeing everyone getting to start over again and you feel you are stick in the same place

OP posts:
whatstodo20 · 18/12/2025 23:13

You said that you don’t want to date casually but don’t all relationships start casual then build up as you get to know each other? I don’t think you just jump into a long term relationship with a life partner, there’s a casual phase leading up to that. But if you still think you can’t date right now don’t worry too much, in around two years your children will be old enough to be at home for a couple of hours. Your time will come!

smallsilvercloud · 19/12/2025 00:53

Just get yourself on the apps, you are emotionally ready but just over worrying, like others have said it will be a slow start and that’s normal. You’ll go through some first dates they won’t all be suitable, it won’t take more than an hour at a time. Men looking for one thing, it happens regardless of how much time you have.
You’ll soon suss these ones out anyway.
You could meet another single dad with similar hours, shift workers, some will have days off in the week. Then you meet one you like that has the time, you see each other as and when until you’re ready to become more serious.
It’s going to be different than you’ve experienced before but its not impossible, it wont happen if you don’t try.

Original poster
LittleTulips · 19/12/2025 01:02

whatstodo20 · 18/12/2025 23:13

You said that you don’t want to date casually but don’t all relationships start casual then build up as you get to know each other? I don’t think you just jump into a long term relationship with a life partner, there’s a casual phase leading up to that. But if you still think you can’t date right now don’t worry too much, in around two years your children will be old enough to be at home for a couple of hours. Your time will come!

Sorry to be clear I meant I’m not looking for a fwb or fbuddy, I’m looking for a long term relationship or something serious. Like how on a dating app it asks what you are looking for long term, short term etc

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleTulips · 19/12/2025 01:18

And I should add lots of people (mainly men) “date” with the intention of sex and not looking for a partner or relationship

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