How to write OLD profile to put off incompatible blokes without sounding ridiculously demanding

[Sweetiedarling7]

Planning to try OLD in the new year.
Any tips please on how to write my profile so as to put off men whose views / personality/ lifestyle are not compatible without looking overly negative or picky?

There is nothing wrong with making your profile sound a bit like a job hunting CV

If you want say they must be employed, have stable accommodation,

You can state you never want to live with them

You can literally just say what you want

If it puts people off then don't worry

It's best to be upfront with people about what you are after

For me I would rather hear that then all the holidays you have been on and how amazing you are,

Just write looking for someone with a similar lifestyle, values, it doesn’t sound negative just that you know what you want! don’t overthink, not many will actually read until matched I found.

Maybe write positively about your own qualities (eg ‘Love my job, work hard for the good things in life, value my family and good friends, enjoy my local community and doing voluntary work’ or whatever…) and then say ‘looking for someone who shares my values’ or something like that? (Make it less boring than all of this obviously 🤣)

But it probably won’t stop absolute chancers getting in contact. Some men just hit ‘match’ on almost every profile they see. It just means you don’t need to feel guilty about binning them off after it becomes apparent they haven’t paid any attention to what you wrote!

You need to describe YOU and hope someone will find you are what they want.
That's the first step.

What do you NOT want in a man?

If for example, you say 'I work hard as a busy professional (I'm a doctor), love spending time outdoors walking in my spare time, skiing in winter, travelling to warmer places in summer where I can practice my Spanish. I love reading, watching films, and being cosy indoors as well. I'm looking for a long term relationship and maybe children one day. '

All of this ^^ would set the bar quite high and hopefully deter anyone not working, not with similar interests, but of course, you still need to weed them out.

Honestly, the majority don’t bother reading them anyway, and they certainly don’t put effort into their own profiles 😅

OLD is exactly like being in a huge, unfamiliar, packed nightclub with a distressingly sticky floor. You’re going to get men you would never go near coming up to you, because they approach everyone. Somewhere in the club are a few nice people, and maybe even one you would consider dating. That’s who you’re writing to.

I like @Donotpanicoknowpanic‘s approach.

So beyond a brief introduction of myself I would definitely make those stipulations about employment or stable income; stable home, etc. I would find a way of making it clear that while I’m happy to meet fathers I would not be interested in meeting their children for at least two years, and my home would never be available for contact visits or sleepovers or returning young adults.

I’d maybe say I only want to meet self-sufficient grown-ups with room in their life for a fun relationship. I would mention some of my own interests and indicate that while they don’t have to share them, they should have interests of their own.

If divorced, they must have been living independently for at least two years. In their own home. I may say I’m not interested in replacing their mother, or their ex-wife and am not interested in becoming a support for their domestic life.

Thinking about it - I’d scare everyone off. Which is fine by me.

Say what you like in a positive way, so that those without the qualities you have and enjoy are less likely to apply:

For example: " I enjoy long conversations about current affairs and politics. I am a regular attendee of art galleries and always like to go to new exhibitions. I am a big supporter of animal welfare and regularly volunteer at my local dog rescue centre. Looking for like-minded person to share similar interests."

Someone completely disinterested in current affairs, art and animal welfare is unlikely to swipe on that description - that is of course if they look at anything other than your photo!

But @MargoLivebetter, none of that stuff matters if they’re embroiled in a contentious divorce, stuck in one room in a house share, and struggling to find somewhere to take their children at weekends. It’s those issues I’d want to filter first.

As Previous posters have said, I’d describe yourself and your ideals and put something about looking for a like-minded person. Then you need to scan their profile and analyse their messages carefully.

If I was OLD now, I’d follow the burned haystack method, created by an American woman dating in her 50s. She has videos on instagram about it and I think has a book coming out but it seems to make sense, she talks a lot about looking for patterns.

True story 😂😂😂

And tbh it doesn’t matter what you say you’re looking fo, you’ll still get bombarded by completely inappropriate men begging for a chance

All you can do is be unapologetically yourself and make clear who you are and what you do and don’t want. If it puts some men off, that’s the whole point: let them opt out if they feel they can’t meet that standard. It’s no loss to you.

Once you’ve got a list of things you do and don’t want, see if you can get a close female friend to help you write your dating profile so she’ll talk you out of downplaying your good qualities. And then see where the matches happen.

As others have said, be prepared for the men to either not have read the profile or to have ignored it wholesale in favour of the photo. A friend of mine used to include a question in her profile as a test of whether a new match had read it, and refused to progress conversation unless the bloke actually went back to her profile and read enough that they could find and answer the question. She found that weeded out the lazy ones quite quickly.

@ScoutOfTheSoftHeartsClub so you put something like this:

"I am long divorced and am keen to find someone in a similar position. I have worked hard to be financially independent and find that to be an attractive quality in others too. I'm at a stage in my life where I value stability and a settled life to be important, so I am looking for similar."

TBH, it doesn't really matter what you write. You're going to get every kind of chancer trying!

Nah..Put exactly what you won’t tolerate in
your profile. It scares off the wimps who can’t handle a strong woman. Don’t tip toe round it as most posters suggest. I specifically asked for atheists, not Tories, must be employed and have their shit together. Saves times. And an accidental date with a Tory!

I’ll add consider having a male friend whose opinion you value look at it too for balance.

Have a look on Facebook at 'burned haystack dating method' it's more you becoming cognizant of what patterns/communication styles men use and you block them as soon as they seem unsuitable for you rather than endless chances and small talk etc
Works very well for some people
Think they give advice on your profile too

I’ve just spent an hour on the Burned Haystack creator’s instagram account! Great reading and easy to digest. Certainly provides clarity on how to distinguish between the acceptable and the unacceptable.

Thank you to those of you who mentioned it!

I have a slightly different take. I don't need to deter anyone because I am the one making a decision to swipe. So anyone can swipe on me, I literally don't care because we only match after I look at their profile and decide that they are suitable to have a conversation with.

Thanks everyone, lots of good advice.
I will be looking at the haystack thing, never heard of it before, and will ask a good friend for her opinion.