Is it just over

[lol86]

Hi, I’m looking for some friendly advice.

I’ll try to keep it short.

I’m 39, bf is 35. been with my partner 7 years. He cheated with a a fork from work 2 years an ago, it continued after I found out for about 6 months. It wasn’t physical, I spoke to her and was an emotional affair.

I made the decision to stay.

I have an 8 year old son (not his child) I have my own house, my son lives with me and my bf moved in years ago.

he left his job and started his own business doing the same kind of work. I always worry about his work relationship.

if I have a concern I speak up about it rather then playing the guessing game.

Since getting caught for his affair he has become less and less affectionate and barely initiates intimacy. He had recently changed dramatically ., he’s very mean to me at times, speaks to me terrible. We went to New York last week with my son, he booked it in jan for us, he was so miserable the whole time, snappy at me, I asked why he wasn’t walking with us, not holding my hand or being affectionate and he said feels w weakness one is asking too much from him at moment. He made no effort even auger this conversation. He claims he’s depressed but he’s only nasty to me mostly, depression shouldn’t make him want to hurt me. I’m a nice person , I gym, I’m healthy and nice looking , I deserve more than how he’s being. Do I keep repeating me self on how he should be treating me or just walk. I’m getting tired of crying over him.

Do you think he just doesn’t care any more. He said he would leave if he didn’t love me, yet he shows mw no love or attention. He’s not meeting any of me needs, I’m asking for basic things. Any advice from make or female, I don’t have many friends to talk too x

You answered your own question Op. He isnt meeting your needs.

You deserve better

Pack his shit and change the locks.

Go live your best life.

You found out about his affair and then it carried on for another six months? I don't understand - you didn't tell him you knew and just let it go on. Or you told him and he carried on anyway? Either way this is a terrible mess. Know when to cut your losses.

In my humble opinion men are lazy and only leave when either pushed,as in you kick them to the curb or they have found someone else who they can fully move on with.(Woman with somewhere they can move into).
I would draw the line under this relationship, you have given him one chance and he is now obviously being an arse. You rightly understand you are better than this, don't look it as years wasted more you have a new future with all kind of potential opening up.💕

Life is too short for his nonsense. You deserve so much better, wave him goodbye and move on.

I've been through similar..Don't waste any more time. You can't converse someone like that into caring about you. Cut your losses. In my experience, unless some serious soul searching happened on his part, forgiveness from you just gives an indication of what you are willing to tolerate. You told him once that you don't feel cared for, he heard you and hasn't changed. He doesn't care. Telling him over and over isn't going to change that. If he is anything like my ex, he'll string you along until he finds another bird who is willing to move him in and will end it in a relative position of power while you are left picking up the pieces. Make your move first.

ETA: it's quite possible that he is treating you lie shit because he wants you to end the relationship. Then he ends up being a good guy and you are a "crazy ex". That way, he also doesn't have to face consequences of his actions. Either way, he is not a relationship material.

I’m trying my best to fix what can be fixed. I do think as a person he can be very immature . This can be frustrating, like having another child. I’m worried I’m just giving up. Relationships go through rough patches and I’m trying to work through it, I’m giving him space where I think he needs it, I’m being my normal self, but I’m just not getting anything back. All I do is question, is it me? What’s wrong with me 😞 he thinks he’s depressed, I’m at rock bottom fighting to be with a man who shows me nothing x

I told him and he carried on anyways. I didn’t know it was carrying on at the time as he was making every effort to make things right with me, then when I found out he had still been speaking to her that’s when all the affection stopped. No effort, no intimacy, laziness and not he’s just not nice to me x

Relationship is between two people. If you are the only one working on it, it's no longer a relationship.
It's scary to cut the ties but, believe me, six months from now you will look back and not believe how you allowed yourself to be treated that way.

This. Get him out of your house.

It sounds like he has already checked out. You just need to do the physical part of getting him out of your house and moving on with your life.

I think you’re probably right 😞

It sounds like he’s coasting and just with you for the convenience until it suits his circumstances to move out. I wouldn’t tolerate this. Yes relationships go through rough patches but like my ex, your DP isn’t even trying to repair it so I ended it and mentally feel a lot more positive about myself without being gaslit into feeling the bad guy always.

I’m sorry this is happening to you.

but I’d bet £50, he is having an affair. So many men claim they have ‘depression’ when they’re cheating.

Regardless of what is happening-he has checked out of the relationship. He isn’t interested, but is either too lazy to end it, or doesn’t want to face up to the fact that he is cheating on you, so he wants you to end it so he is blameless.

Your relationship is dead so best to end it to your timetable - not his. Get him out of your house asap.

He's at yours until he finds a new woman willing to house him. There is no care in your relationship, he's done.

Time for him to move out.

I have honestly questioned is he at it again. Half of me says yes but the other says no.
see, during his affair even before I knew he would constantly accuse me of cheating, he was still wanting intimacy with me, trying me things, he actively wanted me but was a crazy man thinking every man that walked past me and wanted me. He used to check up on me all the time, I believe to check on my mood probably worrying incase I every found out so he needed piece of mind that I was okay with him. He’s nothing like that this time. There’s no similarities this time x

I don’t think he is still cheating on you, I think he is incredibly pissed off at you and resentful that you found him out again and that’s put a stop to his little side piece. This man has zero respect and care for you. It isn’t convenient for him to leave so he is staying put but can’t hide his annoyance that his fun is over. I don’t think this is recoverable I’m afraid. He should be doing everything he can to regain your trust, not wallowing in self pity. I would end it on your terms.

You took his toy away from him and he’s punishing you.

I’m sorry but he truest doesn’t care about the harm he caused you. He cares that he’s not getting the ego kibbles from two women that he was enjoying so much.

Honestly, he sounds awful, cut your losses and move on. Be your own best friend! You deserve so much more than this pathetic lump of useless!