Awful sister in law

Bobbie12345678 · 14/12/2025 21:02

It is his sister. He is allowed to still want a relationship with her. To be honest , everyone just being quiet about her around you seems like a pretty good outcome.

Bobbie12345678 · 14/12/2025 21:03

And if she isn’t mentioned around you and you never see her, then why on earth don’t you have a baby if you want one. That is just weird.

Original poster

Krista2 · 14/12/2025 21:06

I appreciate these words, it makes sense
I just overthink it all and think I’ve came out the worst off here in a situation I didn’t cause

OP posts:

MyFunSloth · 14/12/2025 21:07

It sounds like you haven’t been treated well in the past, but at some point you need to draw a line under this. Or it just goes on escalating.

It seems that the rational thing to do is to avoid interacting with your SIL - and others in the family are content to support this by not mentioning her around you.

See this as a win.

You can’t demand your husband cut off his own sister just because you both rub each other up the wrong way. Just move on with your life and don’t use her theoretical presence as a reason not to raise children.

Arlanymor · 14/12/2025 21:07

He has found a way to have a relationship with you both which means you are kept at arms length. Why would he mention you to her? And presumably he doesn't mention her to you? It's really different to have a mentally unwell sibling - my sister is bipolar and has anti-social behaviour disorder and borderline personality disorder. Every partner I have ever had she has negatively impacted on, so now I don't even introduce them. We share (ageing) parents, so we are on civil terms, because that's the way it has to be. Life isn't always about taking sides, it is sometimes about maintaining the best possible balance between contrasting situations and personalities. It's no cakewalk being bipolar and although you didn't create the situation, neither did she - she's mentally unwell.

Catza · 14/12/2025 21:12

She can only have as much power over you as you give her. You wanted her out of your life but now you are upset that she is out of your life... And you allow her to impact your life by influencing your relationship with your husband. This just isn't healthy.
Your relationship is yours. Her relationship with her brother is hers. Your paths don't cross and that's the outcome you wanted. So enjoy your freedom.

potatocarbcoma · 14/12/2025 21:12

You sound like you’re pissed off that your DH hasn’t ended his relationship with his sister. YABU. She’s barely involved in your life now. DH is entitled to have a relationship with her. You are being ridiculous blaming her for you not having a baby. If your intention is to manipulate DH by using a baby as a weapon, and tell DH that he can’t have his family (sister) involved in his child’s life (as it will be his child as well as yours) then you need to leave DH as you are the controlling problem in that dynamic. The current situation is the best you can hope for. If it’s not to your satisfaction you need to leave.

CuriousKangaroo · 14/12/2025 21:12

She’s his sister and your in-laws’ daughter. They are always going to have a relationship with her, and so they should. They are trying to spare your feelings by not discussing it with you in case it upsets you. I’m afraid if you find that impossible to live with, and that is your right of course, the only thing you can do is get divorced. Sorry to be blunt OP, but that is the reality facing you. You cannot and should not stop their ongoing family relationship.

Aimtodobetter · 14/12/2025 21:14

You’re being super unreasonable not them. Of course your PIL and husband don’t want to terminate a relationship with their child/sister - that’s a pretty fundamental bond and bluntly one probably built on a lot more history at this stage of your relationship than you have with your PIL or your husband currently - especially given it is likely her bipolar is a big reason for the challenges in how she’s been and bipolar is a pretty brutal disorder and not her fault. Instead they have been respectful and enabled you to have a separate life without her in it even though that must be complicated for them.

somanychristmaslights · 14/12/2025 21:14

Catza · 14/12/2025 21:12

She can only have as much power over you as you give her. You wanted her out of your life but now you are upset that she is out of your life... And you allow her to impact your life by influencing your relationship with your husband. This just isn't healthy.
Your relationship is yours. Her relationship with her brother is hers. Your paths don't cross and that's the outcome you wanted. So enjoy your freedom.

Agree with this. Not sure what you want OP? Sounds like you have the best solution now. You don’t want anything to do with her, your DH and family don’t mention her to you. Sounds like a win!!! Not sure what the problem is.

RisingSunn · 14/12/2025 21:19

Surely this is the best outcome for you?
No drama. You get to enjoy being with your PILs without her coming up in conversation. As well as your DH not bringing her up.

You get to focus on the relationships that do work.

Perfect.

Coalday · 14/12/2025 21:35

Think long and hard before you bring a child into such a family.
Your husband chooses to continue a relationship with someone who brings you so much upset and pain.
He's not loyal to you, certainly not loyal enough to have a child with.
His relationship with his sister is clearly more important than his loyalty to you, his wife.

There is no way that I would remain in contact with my brother if he was bringing sych grief to my husband.

Clearly lots of posters think otherwise, but I would be rethinking the marriage and certainly wouldn't be having a child with a man whose sister controls the family.

What if she demands contact with your child?
How would you stop your husband bringing his child to his parents and giving her access?

Not a chance would I do it.
His loyalty is not to you.

MissDoubleU · 14/12/2025 21:45

I understand why it feels like a betrayal but I think you also need to see their point of view. Your SIL may behave completely irrationally and dramatically but this is part of a medically diagnosed mental health issues. She is like this for a reason and it isn’t the same as someone just being nasty because they’re a bad person. I’m not saying it excuses everything, but this is her family. They can’t turn their back on her and they won’t want to set her off.

You talk about her threatening suicide but flipping into a suicidal state and thinking of ending your life when faced with something uncomfortable or inconvenient is a part of being bipolar. Her family are safeguarding her as best they can with the circumstances they are in.Imagine how much worse it would be if she felt her brother had abandoned her.

It is neither an easy thing to be bipolar or to love someone who is bipolar.

IHadaMarvelousTimeRuiningEverything · 14/12/2025 21:48

Coalday · 14/12/2025 21:35

Think long and hard before you bring a child into such a family.
Your husband chooses to continue a relationship with someone who brings you so much upset and pain.
He's not loyal to you, certainly not loyal enough to have a child with.
His relationship with his sister is clearly more important than his loyalty to you, his wife.

There is no way that I would remain in contact with my brother if he was bringing sych grief to my husband.

Clearly lots of posters think otherwise, but I would be rethinking the marriage and certainly wouldn't be having a child with a man whose sister controls the family.

What if she demands contact with your child?
How would you stop your husband bringing his child to his parents and giving her access?

Not a chance would I do it.
His loyalty is not to you.

Completely agree. My SIL told my OH she didn't like me and his response was that he wouldn't be able to maintain a relationship with her as a result. I come first to him, as I should. If she ever acknowledges the hurt she has caused then things might change but until then we don't see or speak to her.

liamharha · 14/12/2025 22:06

Krista2 · 14/12/2025 20:53

Looking for some advice as a certain situation is causing me to overthink and build resentment

My sister in law is bipolar and has never liked me or made my life easy. Her behaviour is difficult & she’s always made me feel unwelcome in “her family”
She ruined the build up to my wedding saying I wasn’t including her enough and constantly bitching about me. After many disastrous family occasions I decided enough was enough I took her off my Facebook. She then told her parents / my in laws that I made her feel suicidal. They all had a family meeting to discuss it and they all seem to made amends. She made me so miserable I can’t bear her in my life. So toxic and negative but seems to get away with it. The whole family tip toe around her to please her.
Ive put off having children as I know if I didn’t let her see the baby, then I become the issue but I cant bear to have that family connection with her.
Anytime something doesn’t go her way, she threatens suicide and the family bows down to her.
My husband still speaks with her but never talks about her to me, same with the parents. So it’s like I don’t exist to her anymore. Which is what she wanted all along: but I now feel resentment towards my husband.. I’ve seen messages on his phone and they chat away as normal and just never mention me. I can’t get my head around this, why isn’t he mad for the way she’s treated me and now they have this sneaky messaging behind my back. Like a completely normal sibling relationship.
We do family meals with the in-laws and no one discusses her either. Is this strange ? I feel a lack of trust with my husband and that he didn’t have my back in this situation at all. Am I being unreasonable?

Seems to me everyone is tiptoeing around you .
You have got what you wanted which is low contact ,your husband dosent involve you with her or push you ,what did you want ? Her family to ostracize her and pick you ? Ar the end of the day I understand you have not got any bonds or deep feelings towards her but naturally her brother and parents do ,it's natural that they will try to keep her in a even keel especially given her bipolar DX .
I think you see her as being manipulative rather than her having a genuine mental illness and thats your prerogative , you may very well be right but that's been accommodated by the family having separate relationships with you and not involving you with her .

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 14/12/2025 22:14

Coalday · 14/12/2025 21:35

Think long and hard before you bring a child into such a family.
Your husband chooses to continue a relationship with someone who brings you so much upset and pain.
He's not loyal to you, certainly not loyal enough to have a child with.
His relationship with his sister is clearly more important than his loyalty to you, his wife.

There is no way that I would remain in contact with my brother if he was bringing sych grief to my husband.

Clearly lots of posters think otherwise, but I would be rethinking the marriage and certainly wouldn't be having a child with a man whose sister controls the family.

What if she demands contact with your child?
How would you stop your husband bringing his child to his parents and giving her access?

Not a chance would I do it.
His loyalty is not to you.

As someone with the misfortune to have a father and aunt with bipolar.

100% agree with this.
Do not bring a child into this as it stands.

I'd think long and hard - your DHs behaviour so far doesnt scream "I got good boundaries and I've got your back".

And children into the mix and you are looking at one hard long toxic road...

Therapy is needed....for general strategies / to agree a way forward and If she has biploar he might seek "chaos" and you may also not be the most balanced???

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 14/12/2025 22:50

Its late...That last bit sounded rude which i didnt mean... 🤦‍♀️

I am articulating it badly but you may have your own baggage which for whatever reason interacts particularly poorly with bipolar.

FuzzyWolf · 14/12/2025 22:54

It sounds like they are doing everything possible to appease you but you are still looking to find something to complain about.