Going a bit mad

[Incelebration]

I'm starting to feel like I'm slightly losing my mind with my current state of singleness and celibacy.

I don't really want a hook-up or a no-strings arrangement, but I've been single for decades and have had sex once in the last three years which feels unsustainable. It's not just the fairly typical and understandable feelings of wanting to have sex, it's the sensation of feeling disassociated and unconnected with the world, together with assuming I must be completely repulsive and undesirable.

I have a terrible track record with relationships (longest is just over two years), but when I was younger I used to at least meet people fairly regularly for situationships or short flings. Now even that doesn't seem to happen, I guess because more people are partnered up.

I just don't know how to come to terms with this being "it". This being the way it will remain for the rest of my life seems an unbearable prospect.

I've tried every possible way to meet someone so am not looking for dating advice or stories of "I met my husband in the pub when I was 53. I stopped looking and a week later - there he was!" or "I went on Tinder and am now married to the very first person I dated!" because I just don't think that is going to happen to me. However some solidarity would be welcome.

I certainly had periods like that in the past but I think your situation is a little unclear. You said you don't want a situationship or a hook up (which is a choice) but then say you feel repulsive and unwanted (which is about not being chosen). Sometimes it helps to make sense of these feelings first.
There was a time when I didn't feel ready or willing to hook up. But because it was my decision, being "not wanted" wasn't really the feeling I experienced. It was more "this is not what I want right now and I am not going to pursue it". My choice.
On the other hand, there were also times when I was looking for a relationship but didn't find anything suitable. That's where all the "What's wrong with me" feeling came from. Not being chosen despite making efforts to date.

So which camp are you in right now?

Why do you think meeting a guy on Tinder to have a serious relationship with isn't going to happen to you? Admittedly, 99% of them are crap. But the trick is having a little more clarity of what you are looking for and being ruthless with cutting people off at the first sign of no compatibility.

I don't ideally want a hook-up, but if I was getting any sort of attention from anybody I might feel a little less pessimistic. At the moment it doesn't feel like any sort of choice.

Why don't I think I'll meet anyone on Tinder? 1) see above (pessimism); 2) past experience.

The truth is that you don't really know if this is "it" for the rest of your life!. Being pessimistic is a turn off. If you're bright, breezy, friendly, kind, cheerful and open you're more likely to meet someone IME.